I literally cant handle basic human function anymore:/ yesterday I laid in bed all day and didnt eat much nor did I do a lick of school. I was so happy last night to just take my melatonin when it was bed time. Well now today I dont have a choice. I have to do things and I gotta get some school work done. I am sitting in a chemistry zoom at the moment. Im gonna have to work on some overdue lessons. And tomorrow I am going to a friends house to do her hair for her prom. I havent seen her in like a year in person. I realize thats a good thing to see an old friend but I just cant handle anything. The thought of driving to her house and the thought of doing school work. All these things stress me out. I wish responsibilities in life didnt really matter. I wish I could just stay laying in my bed and didnt have to move. I mean if responsibilities didnt matter ig life would be pointless so its GOOD we have things we have to get done but :// im almost 2 months clean ! Like a week ago I felt like cutting too and I drew a butterfly on my leg and its almost faded. I almost never give in on the urges anymore which is good. I just wish I didnt care. I wish I could fall into sh again. It is such a release. I dont even feel like a normal human man. Why am I so fragile that simple life tasks stress me out so bad and make me so anxious? If I am not in bed or in my house it feels as though nothing is safe. I feel like a failure because im losing my motivation again as well. I dont feel like working on art projects which I love either. Its like the worlds black & grey. What does it even matter what I do in life ;-;
I understand it, but I can’t say anything to comfort you because I understand it so well.
I decide I am going to just send you a virtual hug because that is the best that I can do for now.
Just so you know, everything that goes on in your world is just as important and real as “real-real society people life.”
Just by being you, you can make people realise the truth of the way, and I mean just by being you.
You can look at a mountain, and think “I can’t stand the thought of climbing this, and I’ll never make it.” You can look at a messy house, and be overwhelmed by the thought of cleaning it.
You can ask yourself, “can I climb the first few feet of this mountain?” Of course you can. Then it becomes easier to accept that you can climb another few feet then you can take a moment to appreciate that you have made some progress. You have provided yourself the evidence that you can keep climbing a few feet at a time.
The house is a mess. It sucks! Then you can ask yourself, “can I tidy this room up a bit?” Then you can say “okay, that room looks better, now maybe I can do a bit in the kitchen.” If you look at the project as a series of small doable tasks, self-motivation becomes easier
For most of us, the hardest part of any task is to take the first step. So, it could be said that after that first step, the worst part of the task is over.
I was very good at procrastinating, and putting my school assignments off till the last minute, until I figured out that the most difficult part of the assignment, was just to get started. Then I began to enjoy the feeling of being able to breathe easy when there was plenty of time between when I finished an assignment and its due date.
It also helps to visualize what you will do and how you will feel when the work is completed.
When a person feels overwhelmed by something, the feeling lingers, and becomes associated with a lot of other tasks, making it so that the thought of doing anything feels overwhelming.
Rather than let your thoughts constantly try to encompass all the stuff you have to do, just think about what you can do in the present moment. Here and now, what is the best use of your time? I think you might find your life more manageable that way.
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