Im getting married in a months time. I just found out that my inlaws call me arsebag and other names while I’m not around and pick on my son (2) when they babysit which isn’t very often. I don’t want to cause a riff between partner and his family but I’m already struggling before this. They are very controlling and basically planned most of the wedding without me. I was already freaking out about standing up in front of people, I hate being the centre of attention, so i havent been able to sleep proper for a bit. And my family are useless. The only family member that was coming to the wedding was my brother who died a few months go. I’m losing the will to keep going and I’m struggling to talk to my fella about it because he tries but not always attentive and hates conflict. I dont really know where to go from here and already try to talk to someone else about it and hes admitted to me he has feelings for me which makes talking to him in the future difficult because I dont want him thinking its mutual… But I also have no one else to vent to so I’m stuck. I feel so trapped right now and my brain is trying so hard to find a way out, that I even had the thought to jump in my car and drive away … far far away and disappear.
I’m probably saying too much now so I’ll go. I dont want to be a bother to anyone anymore
You really need to talk to your partner about this befre you tie the knot. You dont want to go into something thats meant to last a life time with a heavy heart. If your partner truly loved you he would understand that his family is showing you disrespect by calling you names and bullying your son .M very sorry you are going through this sometimes inlaws can be rough but I truly believe a good marriage is bases on honesty and loyalty go to your mate and tell him how you feel .
Keep shinning beautiful:purple_heart:
Thank you so so much! I totally agree and I did tell him last night after I posted this but, there is only so much he can do but tell me I don’t have to visit them if I don’t want to, and … i don’t want to tear their family apart. I keep my son away from them unless I’m there now but the oldest nephew (5) is so violent to my baby (2) like throwing him against a wall!!! In front of everyone and he got a telling off by one person and the father of him laughed. I don’t think I want him to ever be around them. It’s so hard because my boy is so young he doesn’t understand hurting is bad and so still wants to hang out with his cousins. It’s so frustrating, I’m stuck. I can’t move or breathe and I’m just stuck. And I am in love with my partner but I feel like marry him makes me permanently stuck in that situation. I dont even know how to talk about it out loud without sounds like a whinging teenage 
Hi friend. In my previous marriage and relationship of 15 years, my in-laws were not every kind to me either. My Husband had a hard time stepping in because he didn’t know how to confront his family. He was always babied in the family due to being the only boy and his father passing. So he was all that was left to carry the family name. It made it difficult to stand up to his mother and family when they were hurtful. And it caused a rift between us.
It’s so important to be able to communicate to your spouse, especially if you plan on marrying. Communication is key to any relationship. And being able to put each other first. My partner and I now agreed that we would never let any person or thing come between us and our communication. Even parents. As it’s OUR relationship that would suffer. Our home.
It may be worth talking to him about having a respectful gentle conversation with his parents. Out of love. Anger and aggression won’t help. So maybe you can find a way to approach them and just let them know that it’s hard when you find these things out. Idk. I don’t know your in-laws and I know not everyone is well receiving of confrontation, even when it’s gentle.
As far as the person who expressed feelings. I’ve been there. I’ve had to cut ties. It’s important to distance from those who have those kinds of emotions. Even if just temporary. As I’m sure you’d want the same form your spouse.
Anyway. I totally get this because I’ve been through it. So you’re welcome to DM me any time. I’m in the heart support discord.
I hope things gets better because I know how much it sucks when in-laws over step boundaries and are intrusive. It’s stressful.
- Kitty