The holiday season has always been rough on me and I find my depression and anxiety are really overwhelming around this time of year. It just brings up losses for me because I lost my grandfather my senior year of high school just before Thanksgiving and six years ago my grandmother two days before Christmas. I loved my grandparents dearly. They raised me and one of my brothers, for me they were my parents and while I know I should remember all the good memories I have of them and cherish them, around the holidays I find I miss them more than ever. My husband is very understanding about it and supportive, along with our three grown daughters which helps a bit. This holiday season however, I feel like my depression and anxiety are worse and I don’t know why. Today I found myself crying while on a walk with our dog, not just crying, sobbing and I have no idea why. I just felt this crushing wave of melancholy and before I knew it I was crying. I don’t even know how I made it home, but I did. Our dog and cat have been staying close to me all afternoon and it’s comforting. I just don’t know why I’m having such a hard time this season. Usually, I can do my best to get through it and while I’m not overly happy, I’m mostly okay. This year however, I am really struggling to find the joy in the season. I feel broken for feeling this way and feel like I should be grateful for the many blessings I have; a loving husband, wonderful daughters, and good friends. I’m trying to be positive, trying to see the good, but right now all I feel is this crushing sadness.
I understand how you feel, exactly. I also get that overwhelming feeling of melancholy, especially around the holidays. Back when I was in high school my oldest sisters had moved out, my dad was in a nursing home (he has since passed away), and my mom was always busy working trying to make up for my dad being sick, so the holidays were always pretty lonely. What I found, however, is when you make the best of your situation it seems to make it that much better. Maybe find something you can do in memory of your grandparents to help you feel close to them around the holidays. One year my sister that was still at home got us in our footie pajamas, went and got hot chocolate and looked at Christmas lights, and then went to my dad’s nursing home at 1 am, in our onesies, and made a lot of people and nurses laugh. Now one of my favorite traditions is going Christmas caroling at nursing homes in onsie pajamas. Just remember that life keeps moving with or without us, and it’s okay to be sad sometimes. Don’t forget that it’s okay to make new happy memories without the ones we miss most.
Yes. I’ve grief that springs on the holidays especially around Christmas. This triggers both my depression and anxiety because around this time My Uncle (not really my Uncle more like Brother to my Late Grandma) passed away around the time The Steelers won their 6th superbowl. He with his wife help raised me since I was 8 up to 11 years old. Nobody told me he had died and I had no way to get to his funeral anyways. So yeah Christmas is that time of the year.
(I now have a love and hate relationship with my family because of it. This isn’t the only relative that raised me a bit. My Grandma Sister had passed too (Same thing happened she died around August though.)