I’m a highschooler and I’ve got a big club event coming up, but I have three F’s, one of my teachers is blatantly homophobic even though he knows I’m gay, my parents are angry with me because I’m struggling and my dad is verbally abusive. I just feel like I’m worthless and I can’t do anything right. This morning, my dad said that I can never cooperate and I just create more issues. I’ve had a history of self harm and suicidal thoughts and those temptations are coming back now. Honestly, I just want to die so I stop being a waste of money and time.
Hey I’m sorry you are going through that shit, the world is full of close minded asshole. There people that have their own issues, and don’t know how to treat people. Teachers are human too and they sometimes they are not mature. Father can be hard on their kids, and don’t how to not be dominating.
I too struggle with self harm and i have try fight my Thoughts every die. They are still Days I do want to die. But I have to remind myself these though and feeling with pass or at least be less stronger.
If you need to self harm, try holding ice cubes, it a safer alternative, such using rubber bans to snap yourself. There plenty other coping mechanism that use instead of self harm.
I dropped out of HighSchool under some remotely similar reasons, I had some really rough teachers like that too when I was there. I applaud you for sticking through it, it is really difficult. Homophobia unfortunately isn’t going away whether we want it to or not. Choosing love over hate is an option and unfortunately choosing love is something few people actually do unfortunately. That doesn’t make it right or okay but no matter how hard we want to we can’t change that.
Coping with self harm is something that I’ve had to do for a while, drawing and wood carving is something that I do when I’m struggling the most. You don’t have to be good at it, you just have to do it. I also picked up an instrument again, Ukulele and Piano/Keyboard are two instruments you can find at almost any price range and there are tons of free resources to learn online.
Finding stuff to live for seems hard but man, it’s all around you. The air we breathe, the animals we love, the people we love, our friends and family. No matter where you look you can find a reason to live in it, it’s all about perspective as generic as that sounds, I promise you it’s true.
You have purpose here, buddy. we’re always going to be here for you. Don’t hesitate to message me or post on the support wall again.
You got this!
You are not a waste of money or a waste of time. There are people in your life who make you feel that way because of their own behavior. Verbal abuse, discriminations can be really destructive and make you feel like you’re nothing and you can’t do anything right… but that’s not true. You are here, you have the right to exist.
You are not worthless. You are not defined by your grades or the amount of achievements you have in your life.
Thank you. For being here. For being you. For being.
There are some resources on HS that might be helpful to you, especially workbooks about self-harm and depression. If you’re interested, you can check that on: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
Also please, if you get to the point of feeling insecure, don’t hesitate to call a crisis line as well:
- Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741
- Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255
- National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
You’re going through a dark season, but you’re not alone right now.
Hang in there.
I want you to know that you matter. Everyone here at Heartsupport cares about you. Like you I am also LGBTQ and had to deal with bigots in high school. I never came out while I was in high school but the biggest being if I were to be accepted or not. I also attended a parochial school and I especially was scared to come out then. Though I did not come out there were a few people who suspected but I never confirmed it. One in particular was on my soccer team and they were an asshole about it, calling me homophobic slurs, trying to out me and just trying to make my time at soccer unbearable. What got me through was that I had a few teammates that had my back and I could go to them to vent and be myself. Whether they knew or not that didn’t matter what mattered was that accepted me for me. I’m sorry that your teacher is homophobic and you would think with being educator he would be open. Know that his issues are on him not you.
I’m sorry that your parents are not understanding and that your dad is verbally abusive. You’re not worthless, you matter and know that I’m here along with everyone else at Heartsupport. You don’t create anymore issues, you’re just struggling with so much and trying to cope with it as best as you can. There is life after high school and there is a whole world out there with people that will accept you for you. Stay strong and keep hanging in there.