I'm stuck with an abusive controlling sibling

I grew up in a family that was controlling. I wasn’t allowed to drive until I was 18, not allowed to go on dates, etc. When it was time for me to go away to college, my parents did nothing whatsoever to help me get there because they didn’t want me to leave and they were perfectly fine with that. I couldn’t fill out loans of for financial aid. So it left me dependent on my family. Mom and dad divorced and dad moved to Oklahoma and my mom started dating a guy who only ever gave me the creeps. I couldn’t be in the same room with him because I’m an empath and could feel how terrible he was. My mom lost her job and our house. So i had to decide between going with her and the creepy boyfriend or to my fathers who molested me as a child. So I ended up going with my dad because he was unfortunately the better option.

He ended up raping me one night and i called my cousin who called the cops and removed me from the house and took me to the hospital. I had zero time to grab anything important like documents or even my wallet. My brother was called who had to drive several hours to come get me and bring me home with him. He didn’t believe me that our dad did that or that dad molested me. He accused me of lying just so i could live with him (I’d honestly of rather kept being raped than live with my brother). He never took me to get my stuff or my documents. My mom couldn’t be bothered to help me. So I lost everything.

My brother has never let me get my drivers license again. He’s never let me replace my birth certificate or my social security card. He’s not allowed me to work. He told everyone he knew that I was crazy and lied about my dad raping me. So i never even had a fair chance to befriend anyone. I don’t have a bank account. I don’t have any credit. I’m almost 38. I’m 100% dependent on him by his choice.

He’s been extremely abusive lately emotionally. Like he’s been against the price of a soda at restaurants being $2.50 “that’s like half an hour of work for me for you to drink that soda! How is that fair?! You’re selfish.” And i without thinking ordered a coke with my meal the other day. He forced me to drink 4 glasses because he wanted me to get $2.50 worth of soda and told me i was lucky he was ready to leave, or else it would have been 5. I was sick as a dog the rest of the night because of the syrup. Yesterday i made the suggestion of having meatballs for NYE. He didn’t say yes or no. He bought everything for it. I made it and he refused to eat any of it because he didn’t want them and their nasty and now he’s going to starve because I’m selfish. And then told me I’m not allowed to eat anything except the meatballs until they are all gone. He bought a 3 lb bag… I’m going to be eating these for days… I would have ate anything… But he does this each time i choose what to eat. Literally every time. I get punished for it and i don’t even want to choose because i know what’s coming and he makes me choose.

We are staying with friends because we’re homeless after losing our business which he did absolutely nothing to promote and never listened to any advice or suggestions i have, because I’m at home every day and what do i know about the real world. And I know the people we’re staying with see this and hear this and they do nothing and say nothing. I don’t have anywhere to go. He’s cut me away from all friendships i have. We have no other family. I don’t even have a cellphone. I’m not even able to be online unless he’s home.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m so stuck and I just want it to stop and get away with my dog he keeps threatening to get rid off even though we’ve had her for over 10 years. I have come so close to just killing myself but a voice inside my heart tells me not too. And I don’t know why. I have nothing to live for. And I tried talking to domestic violence groups for suggestions and they told me it doesn’t apply to me because he’s not my spouse or boyfriend. Which left me feeling even more lost.

I feel invisible. Like nobody cares or gives a shit. And i don’t know how to reach out to anyone about this. I have no way to get to anyone even if i did. I don’t know what to do. And I don’t want to get police involved or anything like that. I just want to get away and let him live in his own self pity and misery.


Hi @Brokeninokc. I’m so sorry about what you’ve been through and I’m so sorry that you’re brother is putting you through this. I need to tell you that my half-brother is almost exactly like this, except he controls his mother. She lives in his house. She can’t do anything without telling him, and he has her debit card and controls her bank account so she can’t use the money she gets from social security for retirement.

It’s a terrible situation and I’m not sure if I have a good answer for you. I’ve been thinking about it since I read your post this morning. The only thing I can think of is to maybe call the domestic violence hotline or send them an email or do an online chat with them. I know you said you talked to groups, but groups are there more for support. The hotline is to get people out of bad situations. If they don’t consider your situation to be domestic abuse for some reason, they should be able to help you get the information to get the resources you need, just make sure you ask. Be truthful and tell them how you feel. This is the phone number and the website:


I hope that you find the help you need to get away from him. Please keep us posted.

~Daisy :hearts:


I can relate, my brother has BP2 and can be emotionally abusive towards myself and my mother. I agree with @Daisy look into the national hotline and if anything they can give you resources to connect you to organizations that might be able to help you. I’m sorry that you have to endure this but please keep fighting and keep finding away to break the cycle because you deserve better. Hang in there.


Oh my gosh this makes me want to cry! Thats so terrible I’m so sorry you’re going through this and everything that you’ve been through in the past! Nobody deserves to be treated like an object or be put down in any kind of way. I would say PLEASE call the police, it seems like it’s the only option left! PLEASEEEEE!!! You’re a beautiful human being and you deserve nothing but love and happiness in life, do not let ANYONE stop you from believing what I just said! You’re beautiful and sweet, god loves you. He has a plan for you. Just PLEASE call the police NOW!!