ugh i hate myself so much, i underage drink, and smoke, and i hurt myself to get out of my problems, i just wish i had someone to talk to but everyone abandons me or finds me annoying, i hate everything, ive stayed up so many nights wondering if i should just end it all, im tired of headaches and being alone, every were i go and try vent im just ignored, ive been bullied so much and im starting to believe there words, and the truama doesnt do any better i feel so much guilt for being sexualy harrased and my body liking it, theres no hope for me i should die im so scared to even talk about my feelings anymore
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Don’t be scared to talk about your feelings here. Many of us have lived a similar experience. It’s not unusual for “everyone” to back off from someone who’s having a hard time emotionally. Reasons they do that can be that they feel or wish they could help, but don’t know how, then feel guilty for both the inability to help and that they have distanced themselves from a person in need of support. I think usually all this thought process occurs subconsciously, so they only know that it’s uncomfortable to be around someone who’s hurting emotionally.
Don’t take it personally. Such people will do the same distancing thing from anyone who’s suffering emotionally.
If someone threw a rock at you, would you feel guilty? Similarly, being sexually harassed is no reason for you to feel guilty.
There’s nothing about you that deserves hate! You can have an extreme dislike for bad habits, but those habits are not who you are.
If you hate yourself, you’re being terribly unfair to yourself. For a bit of perspective, think about meeting someone who has traits and habits similar to yours. Would you hate that person? I seriously doubt it. Well, you’re a person too. Don’t hate yourself.
Another problem with hating yourself is that by doing so, you remove all motivation and confidence to replace those bad habits with ones which are more beneficial to you.
Consider the equally valid flipside to the Golden Rule: Treat yourself as you would treat others. If you would comfort and encourage others, you should comfort and encourage yourself. You can do that by taking inventory of all the positive things you’ve done and can do, also the truly decent way you’ve treated others.
Don’t be scared to talk to us. Don’t hide from your feelings. Forgive the idiots who don’t know how to support you. It’s just that they still have a lot to learn, and they may eventually try to learn it.
You said you hate everything. Does that mean you hate us? Of course you don’t. I just put the question there to get your attention. I think there are other things you don’t hate, for example, cupcakes, kittens, sunsets, the smell of fresh cut grass, the breeze coming off the ocean, wildflowers, the fragrance after a rain, watching children play together, or countless other things that give us at least a moment of happiness, and those moments accumulate in memory and can make life fulfilling.
Consider also, you have often been and will continue to be an instrument of love. What’s to hate about that?
In our society, there’s a very strong aspect of cultural conditioning that leads many to believe that when bad things happen to them, it’s because they deserve it. If someone throws a rock at a window, and it bounces off and hits him in the head, you can be pretty sure he deserved it. However, if you’re not deliberately trying to mess other people up, you absolutely don’t deserve to be victimized by bullying or sexual harassment. How your body responds to it is an autonomic function, and not subject to any negative judgment.
I think if we were in a contest to determine which of us has done more regrettable things, I believe I’d win. Yet I believe both of us still have a great deal of positive stuff to share with the world. Along the way, we’ll come upon precious moments that’ll make all the adversity worth enduring.
I’m getting too sleepy to continue, so goodnight. Let us know how you’re doing.
Talk to us here. We will listen. I promise, we aren’t going to abandon you or find you annoying.
oh wow…i wasnt expecting this…thank you so much words cant describe how thankfull i am
I’m not sure what to say that would comfort you but don’t be afraid to share here. The people on this site are all very welcoming and friendly and give great advice. I hope you can find some peace and help here : ) — but also hello to a fellow mcyt fan
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