I feel like i should kill myself and I don’t want my parents to worry about me if I tell them and I feel like all my friends are slipping away because they don’t like me and I don’t have the confidence to tell someone I like I like them and I just cant anymore
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Hi Harry,
Thank you for sharing.
It can be a tough thing to go through, but suicide is not the right solution to anything, even if it seems like the last one.
What makes you feel like this is what you should do?
Sorry, you added to it after i answered!
Have your friends said they don’t like you, or what is making you feel this way?
Telling someone you like them can be a difficult thing, and can have different approaches depending on the situation.
If you don’t mind, maybe you can tell me about the situation which makes you feel like you can’t anymore ?
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every 2nd weekend me and my group of friends hang out and just mess around there are 5 of us and I try to hold onto them because I don’t make friends as easy as other people and they’ve just stopped inviting me to hang out and when I messaged them they just sounded annoyed at me and I don’t know why. and most of the time I think about what I think other people think of me and I just can deal with it anymore because I cant help it, music does nothing, shaking my head does nothing, cutting myself does nothing and I crumble under the pressure of doing everything right fearing that if I mess up people will make fun of me for it and i can do it anymore I cant keep up this act but I’m scared about dropping the act so I cant drop the act no matter how much I want to. and with the person I like I messed her and she’s left me on read for the past 3 weeks and I’m killing myself trying to figure out what she thinks of me but I don’t have the courage to talk to her in person but she’s in 3 of my classes.
sorry about no paragraphs I’m not good with them.
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I can understand this must be hard to go through. Having a feeling of maybe being in the process of losing someone and then maybe overthinking is not a great thing to go through and can be hard to handle.
I have been there myself most of my life. Keeping up an act and hiding how I feel because others would make fun of me, not understand what i am going through, actually leave me and so on. However these thoughts and the “acting” can often, without us seeing it, actually push people further away.
Do you ask for them to hang out yourself? Or is it them inviting all the time?
I know you talk about that it is hard for you to talk to people about what you feel, but have you tried telling your friends that you feel like you aren’t as included and ask them if you might have been doing something wrong?
The thing is, that when we overthink things, we often create scenarios in hour head and other peoples thoughts, which are far from truth. I still do it. Even if someone literally tells me that they like me, I can make up that I they are lying to me. However, the only way you can make sure you have done yours to know the truth is by asking the people who it is about.
I would recommend trying to talk with your friends, or maybe the one you trust the most. Ask if they know what is going on. Communication is the best way forward in basically any situation in life. Some can have it, some can’t, but if you at least try then there is a good chance most situations can be dealt with.
If you never talk about it and “pretend” like nothing, it can become a lot. And as you build up all these feelings, emotions and thoughts, it will be harder and harder to deal with. So I could imagine in the end that music, and other things which has worked before might not work at this point.
Regarding self harm I have to add, that this is never a solution and will never help you. It is a coping mechanism and something which will take the pain away for maybe 10 minutes and leave scars for the rest of your life. I want to encourage you to work on maybe talking or writing down your emotions, rather than going that way. Honestly… as someone who are recovering from self harming myself, it is not worth it.
If you open up and people makes fun of you, then those people are not the right people to have in your life or open up to. Unfortunately we as humans are good at habits, and make things general rather than remembering that there are other things out there.
No one should make fun of how you feel or what you are going through NO MATTER what it is about. You are entitled to feeling what you do.
People caring and worrying about you are people who matters, and people who loves you, and I want you to remind yourself of that. These issues are not the end, it is something to work on, something which will make you stronger. You have people around you who cares about you, and that is what you have to hold fast on!
To me it seems like you somewhat have dropped the act a bit here, by saying what you do, and I am proud of you for that. The feelings you go with are not something you will get rid of from one day to another. But starting here by reaching out and opening up a bit is the absolute biggest step you can take! There are many people in here who wants to support others, who doesn’t judge what people are going through and who might even go through some of the same things, and I believe this is a great stepping stone to maybe get some of your thoughts and emotions out.
Regarding the person you like. It can be difficult to advice in those situations without know what you think or actually did. Or what both sides of the story is.
I do think what you say kind of goes back to why talking about it is better than overthinking it " I’m killing myself trying to figure out what she thinks of me" this is what happens when we think rather than react. It is difficult, i know. But possible.
And I am here to encourage you and try help you if i can!
The most important thing about all this is that this is not the end, this is a bump in the road and you can get through it. You took the first step, opened up and there are people out there who wants to help and support where they can. If that is here, your parents, your friends, professionals, that can’t be answered at this point, but you a reaching out and that is the strongest thing a person can do!
Hold fast, continue, share what you feel comfortable with and we will get better together :)!
Sorry for any mistakes or confusing things. I kind of tend to just answer from my heart! And this is it.
Also I will be out for a bit, but i will keep an eye on your post, and answer when possible! I am happy to talk through things with you if that is what you would like to do 
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Hi @harry14,
We want to first encourage you to either call the Hopeline, or text the Crisis Text Line. Clicking either of those links will take you to professionals who can help you navigate a suicide crisis.
After that, please watch our video response to your post here. This is from the HeartSupport team in Houston, Texas and we took some time to speak into your situation. (There were some technical difficulties, and we had to cut off the video after Reggie talks, but know that these people are here for you).
Hold Fast friend - this storm and these feelings will pass. Please update us here and let us know how it’s going for you.
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