I have meltdown where I have post on soical media where I was thinking to end my life and that I desvre to alone. Not only I can ever get a girl, but I realize I can not have any friends. My friends are dealing with own bagged, selfhly I do want to help them out, but make me more stress out and make me whipout. I the book have been reading has been telling to change my enviroments and sometime my friends and family dont help out. It gotten I was to quit my band and block all my closest friends and never talk to anyone anymore. I feel when I get too close to people, I get self center, then they get mad, then I get hurt feelings and then I get suicial. I feel I desvre to be alone, I have done so much fuck up shit, I dont why anyone want to be friends with me. I dont desever anyone and i desever to be alone.
I’m sorry you are having a hard time right now. I just wanted to let you know that I saw this, I read this and that someone cares for you. You don’t deserve to be alone. We all mess up and we all do fucked up stuff at some point in our lives. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t deserving of friends and love.
Sometimes we have to see where we have done wrong and learn from it. Grow from our mistakes. But so long as you are trying to do better that’s all that matters. Don’t push your friends away. Don’t rob yourself of friends and close people. You know? Be gentle with yourself.
Maybe you should talk to your friends about how you are feeling and how they are feeling. And just try to take it one day at a time and work on the things that may be hurtful. You may have done fucked up things in the past but you deserve to forgive yourself for those things.
Take care of yourself my friend. You matter. You are important. You are valued.