Im tired and i need help

i need help but i will not ask for it because ei feel like i am being to greedy or annoying or being a bother and my life is shit rn i just cant this is kind of a vent so… i am failing at everything ad i bend over backwards for everyone and no one dose that to be and my mom hates my guts and kicked me out my dad i have not seen in like 6 years and he is trying to get full custody of me now and i am letting everyone down and when people give me a complement i will not take it because i feel like they are just say it to make me happy and i know they don’t mean in and everyone i sleaving me and honestly i don’t have a point in living i want my halo i want to be gone i don’t want to fight anymore i don’t want to be alive anymoreI’m a murderer, I killed the girl, that I used to be, the girl that used to smile all the time, the girl that used to have a lot of friends, the girl I used to see in the mirror. Now she’s dead, her eyes are a darker color, and she rarely smiles, and she does not believe the complement’s she receives, but she believes they are saying that to make her happy, I am a murderer i killed the girl, I used to be. -Lilah i just really cant anymore<3

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I’m done bro, I’m done trying, tying to be there for everyone, trying to be nice, trying to fake a smile, trying to say I’m fine, trying to keep secrets, trying to be a good friend, trying to be a good girlfriend, trying to be a good sister, trying to be a good daughter, trying to be a good granddaughter, trying to be a good cousin, trying to be a good aunt, in general trying to be a good person because no matter what I do it is never good enough for ANYONE, I can let people walk all over me use me betray me bitch me vent to me fight me yell at me and do all these thing but I get nothing in return and I am the bad person, I AM THE BAD PERSON. I am failing at everything and I don’t know what to do anymore I’m not living life how I used to be I’m not smiling I’m just not I am a horrible person I guess I don’t know but I KNOW I am done at this point I am just existing even worse breathing, all I do is sleep go to school come home go back to bed I do nothing no one want to be around me no one cares about me I am nothing NOTHING my life is shit and I just want it to be over already I cry every night in my room when everyone is sleeping I won’t do it in front of people because then I am just as so called “dramatic” and a “baby” so I’m just done trying. I’m a murderer, I killed the girl, that I used to be, the girl that used to smile all the time, the girl that used to have a lot of friends, the girl I used to see in the mirror. Now she’s dead, her eyes are a darker color, and she rarely smiles, and she does not believe the complement’s she receives, but she believes they are saying that to make her happy, I am a murderer I killed the girl, I used to be, my scars run deep. Memories of pain etched Where the metal kisses skin. Even though the pain Doesn’t seep, the guilt flows heavy with the red waves and shame wraps its arms Around me like a blanket As I stand gripping the scissors Willing the world to just Stop This morning
I sat in the shower Staring at the razor on the edge of my tub Wondering If the water would turn cold Before my body did I’m just so fucking done with trying

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Hey there Delilah! Welcome in!

First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted. I believe that sharing how you feel, and what you have been through can make others feel less alone, so thank you again for being open with us here.

I can totally relate to you on thee feeling of being greedy or annoying when asking for help… I felt that way for a long time, I promise you that you are not these things. I know how that voice in the mind goes, even when we are told that we are not certain things- our brain does not accept it, but I promise you it is the truth- you are not these negative things you believe.

When we “fail” it is hard to see what we have accomplished along the way, the good things we have done. I know there has gotta be something that has been a success for you, no matter how small. Sometimes I try to think about what I have accomplished when i am lost in thought of what I have not done correctly. It can sometimes make me feel better when i take a look back and acknowledge what I have accomplished.

I understand how it feels to do so much for someone and to not get any of that kindness back; I mainly feel that way with my jobs. It sucks, and it feels terrible, and it drives me crazy it feels like. But something that helps me is taking a step back, and reevaluating what I am doing… it is great to help others, but when that begins to take a toll on yourself I believe it is best to take a step back. For a long time I was giving out everything I had to help others, support them, and it broke me down. Please be sure to fill your cup, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

I know it is hard to see in this moment, but my friend you do have purpose. You deserve happiness, and greatness, and that is truth.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to be here anymore, i have been there many times even recently. I know how it is when you are in the dark, but I promise you there is light to be found. I know it seems false, but there are good things to come. It takes time and work, but it gets better.

As we get older, we go through things, we experience things, and at times those things can be so debilitating. It gets better, it takes time, and work, but it gets better.

My friend, you deserve greatness, and happiness. Please know that we are here for you always, to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on. We care.

I look forward to hearing for you again soon… I know that things are hard right now, but please, continue to hold on. Take it slow.

Sending love,
Lys

Hey,

I’ve been there. I am so so sorry you are going through this as well. I have been there, where it’s like you give everything you have, and it’s never enough, or you get nothing in return… I have been there so many times, it left me distraut for a while in life… it made me give up on helping others for a little bit- and that’s okay.

Friend, please take care of yourself. Please do what is best for you, that is healthy. You don’t have to give so much of yourself out. I know it is so hard to stop, I have been there, but please, you must do the healthy thing that is best for you.

I have been there thinking about how to end it… I am so glad I didn’t. Days are still hard, but good things DO COME. I promise. It takes time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Friend, please stay, we are here for you. There are people who will listen, and people why care, I know this my friend because I too have been there.

Lys

oml! you ar so sweet thank you for listening and understanding it makes me happy that some people want me you are so nice you ujst made my whole night thank you<3 love your new bestie? delilah