Well, I hope everyone is staying safe with this delicate situation wherever you may be.
But because of this self-isolation that has happened, I’ve concluded a lot of things. For the first time in many years, I am spending more time with my mother. I usually tend to be more out and about because of o school or I’m with friends. At first, ill admit, everything was going well. I didn’t mind spending time with my mom. It was nice. but now I cant deal with it. I NEED and CRAVE independence. It’s hard because as much as I do care about my mom I just can deal with her. It makes me sound like a terrible daughter. but its the truth. Recent I tried to open up to her about how I was feeling about the whole quarantine, I thought that maybe I could open up to her and tell her about how:
as a senior in high school, I was upset.
the thought of not being able to have a graduation or prom hurt
I had worked hard for 12 years killing my self and sacrificing os much to be able to have the perfect grades and appeal to her every liking when it came to being the perfectly academic student.
I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends ever because that was a bad influence for me
its hard to know that I’m not gonna be able to spend the last few months of high school with my friends.
the last few months before graduation was supposed to be filled with happiness and beautiful memories I could take with me to college.
(considering that I might go to Paris for college and lose touch with people I care about)
I’m scared I won’t even be able to walk down and receive my diploma for which I have worked for so hard.
I tried to talk to my mom all about this. All she did was scold me instead. I’m not asking for much. A simple hug and an “everything is gonna be ok” would have been enough for me. I have never once in my entire life received a hug from my mom in where she is comforting me. It’s always the other way around. She turned the tables around like she always does and made it seem like I was being selfish. I understand that there are actual people that are dying and suffering but this pandemic is affecting people in so many ways and in so many different ways too.
And of course, she couldn’t leave out the fact that she has gone through tougher experiences and sacrifices that I have in my life. I get that. IM NOT HER. I DONT KNOW THE CHALLENGES SHES BEEN THROUGH. I get that. But she will always make it sound like I am more selfish than her. I just can’t stand it anymore. I wanna go. I wanna leave. I want to be away from her. She doesn’t seem to understand that for me, it hurts that I might not be able to see my friends again or who even knows at this point. I also have feelings but none of that matters to her. She says she listens but instead gets mad at me. I jus*t don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to talk to her but once more, she refuses to accept the fact that she is to blame sometimes and makes it look like I’m the one at fault. Maybe she is right. Maybe I am a terrible daughter after all. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. there is no solution to my problem. I guess ill just have to accept that fact till I leave in about a couple of months. I hope I get to leave I can’t be here anymore. It’s emotionally and mentally exhausting trying to keep this charade of a perfect daughter up.
I guess the only thing I have learned since I was really young is being able to cry silently without anyone noticing and becoming good at lying.
-m
Hey friend,
First of all, thank you for opening up and sharing all of that. It cannot be easy carrying all that you, especially with the given circumstances in the world right now. You deserve all the things you have worked so hard for-graduation, prom, college, time and memories with your friends. But looking a little deeper, you deserve the attention and recognition for the things you have worked for, the things you are missing out on, and in how you are feeling overall, too. I am so sorry to hear of the relationship you are having with your mom. I went through a rough time at the end of my time in high school with my mom as well, and some things you said reminded me of how that all went. I get it. And how you feel about just wanting to be heard and maybe at the least given a hug, its valid. Your experiences are your own and you don’t need them discredited. I know that no one knows when things will get back to normal, but I want to encourage you to find ways to connect with your friends, whether its a facetime/skype call or writing letters, keeping in touch now and sharing with each other is important. I used to keep in touch with friends long distance and sometimes we would play a game over the phone or skype, watch a movie the same way either screen sharing or starting the same flick at the same time. It was all really useful and kept us together when we were far apart. Hopefully your school can come up with an alternative to still give you the graduation you have worked for. I’m so sorry all of this is happening, but you are heard, seen, and loved so much. Never forget that your experiences matter and you have value. We’re with you. Hold fast. -Bree
To say it would be a stressful time for everyone would be an understatement. You were hoping for a last few months of fun and being with your friends. No one saw this coming. You’re not a terrible daughter you are just trying to cope with a situation as best you can. It’s scary to think that there might be no social engagements especially knowing that it’s your last year. I’m sorry that your mom scold you instead of support you, your pain and your feelings are valid and matter. Again, you’re not selfish this is a situation beyond your control. Other than your Mom is there someone else you can talk to? It sucks that your mom is not there and how you can’t talk freely without her comparing you to her. You guys are two different people and endured different things which is totally okay. In the meantime you can always facetime friends until it is okay to see people face to face. Stay strong and keep hanging in there.