Im-tired-i-dont-think-i-can-do-this-anymore-every (TW mentions thoughts of SH)

From anne.xo: Im tired, I don’t think i can do this anymore, every aspect of life is failing me, I’m barely breathing i can’t keep on doing this, I’m such a disappointment, i hate myself and my parents and family is disappointed by me. I’m insecure about every inch of my body, my family keep saying hateful things which makes me cry for hours, I’m a teenager, i have mood swings and everything, i try to control it as much as i can, but sometimes i just lose it like i accidentally get mad at my parents, they hate me. My siblings and grandmother says hateful stuff to me. I stand infront of the mirror and cry every single day. I have classes going on but i can’t focus, i feel like giving up. My finals results were published yesterday, i scored nice marks but I’m not feeling happy like the exam season was hell for me, i had major suicidal thoughts and my mental health was so bad.
I don’t get to choose my life, my parents decide everything, i am not allowed to have social medias, no dating, no hanging out and when i told them I need help and that my mental health is bad they laughed at me, not once several times.
There’s no escape from this, after i saw this series, ive been thinking about harming myself like burning or something, maybe that will work
Yeah, I’m not supposed to have social medias but i have those in secret. I want to help people, i feel sad when people go through stuff, i use my social medias to help people who are suffering, to listen to them, actually i want to be a therapist but then i don’t get to choose what i want to be, my parents said “doctor or engineer only” they made me join in coaching centre and now my life is very hard, I’m living for someone else, i want to give up, maybe harming myself will help

I get attached to people very quickly like i have had this online friend for three days now, as i was scrolling through Instagram i saw very heartbreaking stuff that he had liked. I cried. I cried so hard and had a whole mental breakdown you know. Another bad thing is , said guy, i like him. As in i have feelings for him, I’ve actually known him for two weeks now and I’ve always liked him like before we even talked. His friends are friends with me and that’s how i found out about him, i like him so so so much, even his brother knows about this (yes we met online, followed each other through recommendations) and I’ve only been talking to him for 3 days now. every day we stay up and text until 3am and stuff, he’s very nice i guess. I don’t want to ruin this friendship but i like him too much, more than I’ve ever liked someone before, he’s wonderful, he is like me and he also likes to help people. Well i don’t know what to do, I’m too messed up. Im gonna get hurt again and its not even gonna be his fault, I’m the one who caught feelings not him right. I don’t know, too much stuff going on. I haven’t slept in two weeks. No proper sleep, i can’t go like this, i want to give up, whoever is reading this I’m sorry for ranting​:sob::sob: I just i don’t know thank you for reading this I guess, if you have anything going on feel free to tell me, i love listening​:people_hugging:


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Anne.xo. I’m so sorry that you are struggling like this. It has to be so hard when you feel like your parents aren’t listening and no one is hearing your heart cry out in pain. Is there someone at school you can talk to? A teacher, counselor, nurse or other trusted adult? You need someone to talk to where you live. We will always be here to encourage you, understand, listen, love and let you know that your life matters. But it sounds like you need someone in your corner to help you through this situation. Home is supposed to be that safe place where we can go to talk and be heard, to love and be loved, to help and be helped. It doesn’t sound like you feel any of that at all. So please, if you have a trusted adult to talk to, please reach out to them for help and advice.

And always you can reach out here. We’re listening and we hear you. You really do matter and you are loved.

Hello Friend,
It sounds like you’re going thru a lot right now and the fact that your parents are not listening to your needs makes my heart sad. I’m sorry that you’re not getting the support that you deserve and need.

You talked about a lot of things going on and I hope that you can maybe talk to your school counselor or whatever your school offers for student issues. Maybe there are resources you can use there.

One thing you talked about was self harming and I want to help you understand that hurting yourself will only make your situation and life more complicated. It’s something that causes shame and scars that won’t go away. It’s something that can become an addiction and in the end will only make things worse. I know this because I self harmed for a long time. I learned that although I thought it was helping me and I was in control, it was in fact making things way more worse and I couldn’t have been more out of control. It caused a lot of emotional pain. So, even though you are thinking about it, please really consider the long term effects of self harming and look for a another way to get help because you matter.

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From demonslayer5122: I can tell you from personal experience that it won’t help… My therapist was garbage at his job and refused to take me seriously. I thought the only way to get him to do so was give myself 18 serated cuts on each of my arms… Cost me five days in the mental hospital and two weeks in the normal hospital on suicide watch with my parents at my side 24/7. Even after all of that… My therapist gave me my meds but still didn’t take me seriously… In this situation I have a family that cares… But you… It’s obvious they don’t… Either that or they’re just too ignorant to realize that what they’re doing is actually hurting you… I’m sorry that you have to go through this…

From demonslayer5122: The amount of people who think “oh it’s just your hormones go lay down” is not just depressing… But pathetic. A lot of people seem to think that minors can’t have mental trauma when in reality, all they’re doing is possibly indirectly commiting murder…

From Danie Winchester: Awww hun, I promise we all been there at your age and I promise things will get better. The mood swings and anger that you feel could be related to the hormones that are starting to pop up in your body. You’re also probably at an age where people are extra sensitive to a lot of things. The only difference is that your peers probably hide it. Every kid of your age feel insecure about their bodies, heck even adults do. The only difference is that by growing up it get easier to take control of those rushing emotions and we don’t have hormones rushing all the time (unless you’re a woman around that time of the month…).
Now for the mental health issue, that is: suicidal thoughts and thinking of harming yourself. I honestly think you could be going through depression. There are different types tho, and only a good doctor or psychiatrist can diagnose that in order to give you the proper treatment for it. So, regarding that, if there’s an adult in you family you can trust. I’d recommend you to go talk to them, preferably a parent. Not necessarily about everything in details because you might be uncomfortable to do so much. You can simply say you feel a bit depressed and would like to see a doctor about it. And once you consult the doctor, you can ask for some privacy during the consultation in order to express what you feel without the presence of your parents. The doctor will have to explain to your parents what’s going on but not in full details. From there, they might recommend therapy. But be aware, therapists are like shoes…We all have different needs and so not all the shoes work or fit those needs. It can take a bit of time to find the one for us. I managed to do that, however my first experience was terrible. My current therapist is absolutely amazing.

From Danie Winchester: As for you not having the ability to do what you want due to the restrictions your parents give you (and trust me I know what you’re talking about because mine were exactly the same!!!), just remember you won’t stay a teenager forever. Once you’re old enough to move on, go to college, work and fend for yourself, you won’t have to listen to anyone and can do whatever you want. I wanted to become a therapist too, and I even went to school for it. However, life happened and I didn’t finish. I did something else, and I’m going to be a teacher soon. However, I plan on returning to college to get my psychology degree as well. I’m in my 30s and I survived a family similar to yours. I’ve achieved some of my childhood dreams and I managed that while going through many losses and depression. When I look back I still can smile in spite of all this. So, I promise, you’re gonna be okay, you just need a little hope and little help. So, I insist, if you can get access to a doctor to diagnose you, definitely try to go for it.