I posted last week about some issues and my depression. I was doing ok for a bit, but today hit me really hard. I’ve been trying to distract myself, but my thoughts keep going back to her and how she’s so happy without me in her life. Today was her birthday and I broke down and messaged her. Of course I never received anything back but I knew that was gonna happen. I just broke and I feel ashamed of myself for it.
I’ve had bad thoughts again, thoughts I haven’t had in a long time. To be honest, I’m way too afraid to even attempt to do anything. I planned it out several years ago and I scared the shit out of myself. I know ending it isn’t the answer, but when there’s so much pain and no one to care about it, what can I do? I don’t wanna die, I just want the pain to go away. To feel normal again.