I’m weird when it comes to friends. Even if I walk away on good terms and truly want to keep talking with them and be active friends… I can’t. I have a thing where I have to forget them and make them forget me by being gone so long before I can return. Which is hard with daily reminders of them all around me of how awesome it was to be around them. Luckily the most recent 1 I think I left on good terms so its not “painful” like realizing your friend was using you for what little money you had, but conflicting as you know there was a reason behind needing to take a break but just really longing for that connection you had with that person.
You arent weird, we all are different and we all have different ways to be around people.
I dont know why you do that or the reason behind it, maybe you have been hurt in the past or somenthing like that🤔 But I know that sometimes is okay to take a breath from our relationships.
I dont know if what I have said have help you or not, but my advice would be that maybe you have to go to a therapist( if you didnt go yet), I think that a profesional can help you more than I.
But somenthing that I am 100% sure is that you arent weird, you are human
I hope that you get better and know that we are here for you