I'm worthless. I don't matter. I drag others down

I’m worthless. I only let others down. I don’t deserve anything that I’ve got. I don’t deserve my friends. I don’t deserve my life. I don’t deserve anything but pain and death. I want to end it all. I just want to end the pain. I don’t deserve others’ help. I’m a worthless piece of shit who deserves to die. I shouldn’t even be posting this. I should just suffer and die alone.

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Paladin, please call a help line. These are not thoughts for you to be thinking.
Nothing could be further from the truth, reality, or anything else. You’re in a bad place, and I want you to call someone to talk. Please

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I have in the past. Nothing changed. I’m still worthless I just wasted their time.

You are worth it! You are loved, you matter. Just that you have friends that love you is a reason to keep living. If you die, that would put them in pain. Knowing what it feels like to be in pain is exactly why we try to be kind to others.
Here is some uplifting and encouraging, love-filled music for your soul. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eThM821GpTc

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Paladin, you may feel that you are wasting their time, but I assure you, YOU are the only one who feels that way. People, good people are waiting to help. Give them a chance.

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Hey friend, I agree you should call a help line. You are so so loved and I understand the tunnel vision depression can give you. It is awfully deceiving. I almost took my life several years because I thought the exact same thing as you. Fast forward several years later I still have many issues but I am really glad I never took my life. Even if the help line did not work before doesnt mean it would not this time : ) if you are at the end of your rope what do you have to lose by giving a call and talking about how you feel? Please stay strong and keep us updated. Youre so loved :heart:

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I can’t call at the moment. Is there anything else?

Are you feeling any better as to where you could call later if you wanted to call? Are you safe at the moment ?

I’m never safe. I always feel like this.

Are you actively in therapy / take meds ? I am so sorry you feel like this all the time : ( i feel for you. No one deserves that.

Yes I’m in therapy but it hasn’t helped yet.

Perhaps let your therapist know how bad you are feeling. I am very sorry you are feeling this bad. If you cant talk to a hotline My other suggestions would be to go out on a walk & listen to music. That has helped me clear my head before. If not anything I get some exercise. If you need any new music suggestions too, im here LOL I am a big music lover. Also make sure you try your best to eat three meals a day and drink enough water ( it is hard for many ik, when I was really depressed I used to skip meals a lot and it made feel a lot worse. I was shocked the change between eating a healthy amount of food and not.) , do something creative to express your emotions!! I am an artist and I became one over quarantine, I love to paint and draw. It is fun to learn art and great for letting out bad feelings. ( one of the twitch streamers on heart support actually does streams where she paints, theyre cool! ) , I also write sometimes. Not as often but writing poetry for me also is a good source to let out emotions, playing an instrument, in general working out/ exercising can help you feel better too. Those are just a few suggestions and what helps me <3

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I make music but my school blocked it. Just like they block almost every coping measures I used.

Outside of school do you have some coping mechanisms?

Friends but I don’ want to drag them down anymore than I have.

Oh, I understand you there. I had this art website I would use, and I would talk to my friends over it when I was signed in, and my school blocked it and took it away from me. But I didn’t give up hope. I’m going to go back on that website and find my friends again someday, no matter what. Also is https://soundation.com blocked for your school? It’s a website where you can create an account and make music! I’ve been using it for a year now and it’s become a huge part of my life.

Maybe try hanging out with them though! That isnt dragging em down!! Hanging out with friends helps too

It’s not but I really liked the old program.

what do you mean? what’s 'the old program?

Musescore was the thing I used to make music ongranlly.