Sometimes I say and do things without thinking about it first. And I’m an adult so I should know better, but it makes me feel really inept. Especially when people comment on it.
What I would like is to control myself more and often my minds relates control to bad habits from the past. The thing is, they worked.
Some days are harder to switch into a positive mindset and it makes it hard to be okay with being stuck with myself all the time. Hating the things I do and then hating myself for feeling pathetic about it.
It’s a bit of a bitch ahaha, but I’ll get over it. It’s just nice to vent things out and not feel trapped only talking to myself about it.
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From: kathleen99
its really hard for me to have grace for myself when I’m impulsive. its especially difficult when I succeed one time and fail another. why aren’t I perfect? a lot of the time it comes down to trying to be better, even when it’s not all the time or hard to do
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It’s definitely hard. I’m not as nice in my head to myself as I pretend to be for everyone and I know that my problem to deal with. It’s shitty feeling like a dickbrain and not being able to escape from myself. I definitely have all those feelings that I just want to drink and get high or just crash my car.
But I’m here even during the times I don’t want to be. Even though I don’t feel like it right now and my mind is convinced that I shouldn’t be here, that counts right?
Hey @Galaxsea, thanks for being here and for sharing. I honestly feel like I could have written that post haha because I go through the same exact thing.
I am not good at thinking/talking on my feet and often make mistakes or say something dumb without really realizing it in the moment and it will haunt me. I have a hard time letting go of past mistakes. This causes me to have anxiety to try to be perfect all the time which leads to a vicious cycle and can be difficult to accept myself or give myself grace. Something that has helped me is realizing my identity is not found in the mistakes I make. I think Brene Brown (who is awesome btw) said it well that even if we make a mistakes, we are not a mistakes. You are not a mistake.
Something else that has helped me is trying to treat myself as I would treat other people. I have noticed that I am way harder on myself than I am on others, so I have been trying to love myself more and have the grace for myself that I have for others.
This can be a pretty terrible headspace to be in and difficult to escape, so I understand what you are going through. Please know that you are not alone and I am glad that you are here. Feel free to direct message me if you ever want to talk more or have any tips that you’ve noticed to help with this.
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Right? Often I’ll think of things I’ve said and done and the other people involved have no recollection. I obsess over it though, sometimes years later.
It’s funny how I would not treat people the way I do myself. Sometimes I do hold people to a high standard, especially in the work place. I don’t find I have patience or much time for people who I feel don’t put in the effort that I try to, and yet I often feel that I could be better and do more. Since nightshift staff work solo, you get into the habit of trying to do everything yourself when you’re working with others during a day shift and then sometimes start to resent them for not helping, but I’ve found that often the case is that they’re more than willing to help and be a part of the team, it’s just that I am not allowing them the time and communicating with them. So that’s a learning curb. I have to learn that I can’t always be responsible for everything that could go wrong or that doesn’t get done… but neither is anyone else.
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Hey @Galaxsea we talked about your topic on stream. I hope you find this encouraging. Hold Fast.
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@Danjo Wow that was honestly so so kind. I think you said something about performance based love and that hits hard haha. I find I can tend to fall into a cycle where I can either cut off people because I start thinking that if it was fully necessary for me to be in their life I would contribute more time,money, ect. I then (more so in the past because I’m breaking this part of the cycle) would become sometimes a little resentful that I don’t have a place in their life- that is ridiculous for a number of reason, but mainly because 1. Nobody owes me anything and 2. If I stopped trying to cut people out of my life then they’d probably be more open to me too.
It’s really easy to get stuck inside my mind and over analyse things and make myself sick with anxiety ect.
It’s a war between either overthinking and being too sensitive and trying to shut down emotional response and become fixated on accomplishments.
I don’t know if this is making sense haha. I’m so sorry if it doesn’t.
Anyway, thank you both again so much. A lot of great things to think about and to remember.
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I’m drunk and it’s been a long time so I know tomorrow is going to be sickening ahahaaaa. This used to be a daily activity. What. A blast
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