I’ve always been extremely indecisive, and it’s one of the things I hate most about myself. My dad says it’s because of ‘the youngest child syndrome’ which really doesn’t make me feel better. So there’s been something wrong with me since birth and there’s nothing I can do about it? It’s just the way I am? My indecisiveness is a thorn I cant pick out. Me and my two older sisters were always together growing up, which I’m very glad for, but I always relied on them to help me with everything. I cant make decisions on my own, I try I get stressed and anxious and doubtful. Which really sucks, especially at a time in my life where I’m supposed to be figuring out what I want to be. It makes me feel discouraged, hopeless and guilty. I keep telling myself it’ll be okay, I’ll get better somehow, I won’t make some fatal mistake, and that it isn’t my fault, but it just sounds like crap. I don’t trust myself or believe myself. Why should I? Because of my indecisiveness I’ve often made quick choices that were poor choices resulting in useless things or times I regret and cringe at. This isn’t who I want to be. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks for reading this far.



Choices are hard, especially if it’s about important things such as what you’ll do in your life and who you want to be. It’s totally normal to be afraid of having regrets. Somehow, when we make a choice, we also have to grieve all the other possibilities that we didn’t chose at the moment.

My sister’s husband struggled with that for a long time. We often had these long evenings, trying to find in which restaurant we would go. He couldn’t help looking at all the possibilities, reading every comments/ratings on internet… and we often ended to order pizzas and eat at home. :hrtjakelul: The example is a little funny because the implications were not important, but he struggled with that in other areas of his life, such as work and relationships, to the point of being afraid to get married and have this kind of commitment (at first).

By sharing this, I just want to send a gentle reminder to you: there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s very human and normal to struggle with choices in general. And it’s true that, sometimes, it can be very crippling to have to make decisions.

Personally, I never struggled with this as you describe in your situation. But I tend to stay inactive when I’m afraid of actually doing something, when there’s a possibility whether to succeed or to fail. It’s my way not to chose anything, not to make any decision and… not to take any risk. Because we don’t know the future. So making a decision and walking on a certain path can be stressful if we lack of perspective. Some trust is needed along this process: in yourself, in others, in the present circumstances in your life. There is a need to actually jump in the unknown and, for sure, it’s scary. It feels like taking a risk.

But also, I think something that holds a great importance is time. When you make a choice, no matter if you thought about it before or not, you always have the possibility to make different choices or even to cycle back. Every day is an opportunity to try different things if you feel that what you’re doing right now isn’t meaningful to you anymore. I’ve known people who started to study again after working for years at the same place and having a family. People who did different jobs, which is my case too.

So, I’m not diminishing the importance of making a decision wisely when it’s about what you want to do in your life. Just know that it’s also okay to experience something, to see how it goes and re-evaluate your choices later. A lot of people do a job that they didn’t imagine at first. A lot of people realize at some point in their life that they’re not really happy and they need to change their strategy. And that’s okay.

For what it’s worth, I believe that our choices, our experiences, are always an opportunity to learn something. About ourselves, about life. So there’s never really a wrong or bad choice. Only experiences that allow us to progress, day by day.

Believing yourself takes time. It’s not acquired in a second, but it’s definitely something that you will learn to acquire with time. And it goes with finding the right balance between thinking and allowing yourself to experience what this life has to offer to you. Your fears are valid, totally. But it can be crippling if you let them speak too loud, if you let them decide for yourself. You can think endlessly, but your own life is not infinite. So, maybe try to see your fears as a kind of confident, a way to reveal what are your needs and your goals, but not as enemies.

When you have to make a decision, and if you have the time, you can try to inform yourself about what those choices would mean, practically (gain a kind of knowledge, like for example with studies: what it means to chose this field in particular? What will you study? What kind of job in the end?). And then writing on a piece of papers all the pros/cons but also your fears. And when you’re aware of all of this, then dedicating a specific time to make a decision, consciously. A choice that would be an active way to believe in yourself, to try something for yourself… a.k.a, to live and experiment! Often times, our answers are already in ourselves. But we need a bit of inner-reflection to actually see it, progressively.

There’s a video about failure on the HeartSupport Youtube channel. I’ll share it here, hoping that it can encourage you to tame your fears and be more confident with yourself, progressively.

Just take it easy, friend. Again, there’s nothing wrong with you. Many of us here can certainly relate to what you describe, at different levels/intensity. Just know that you are not alone. You are loved. And you’ll always be supported through your decisions here, regardless of life circumstances. :hrtlegolove:

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remember whenever you make a choice it goes well or it doesn’t, If it goes well you know to make that choice again, if it doesn’t go well then you don’t make that choice again so that’s one less choice to worry about. life is a lesson if u ask me, long as u learn from your mistakes your winning

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