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Inner anger

I started boxing last year, been going to title where we get to work out and bunch bags. Also got a punching bag at my house so I can practice my punches. Still at very beginning, but I want to get better and be able to defend myself.

The one thing I don’t like about boxing, is that my insecurities come out. I have fansty of beating up old friend to point where there face break. Very destructive thoughts of harming people. Like hitting me people to make myself feel good, cause I have weakness inside.

I fear of getting my ass kick, then people look at as a little bitch. My true shadow that been fighting comes from my wreaking self. Being bully as kid, having abuse family members, being called stupid. Even, if one person make a little mark about or get mad at me. I fucking go off, cause I can’t Amit my wrongs.

I feel that part I don’t like being boarderline , one thing can set me off, I want to violently hurt myself or people. I’m scare being see a loser virgin that live with parent, that too dumb to put his life together.

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That’s the point of hitting the bag instead of someone else. It’s good to use the bag to get all of that out, it’s actually a healthy way to cope. I’m proud of you.

I know how hard it is to make a healthy choice in the moment of a trigger, but the only thing I can tell you is to take a few mins and try to distract your thoughts. Usually, that really intense moment will pass and then you can think better.

Anger issues are something I deal with a lot, so I see you.

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I agree with Lizzy, getting the punching bag was a good move. One thing to consider, even if you get really good at boxing, someone will still be able to kick your ass. Even if you are a way more skilled fighter, someone can land a lucky punch.

You mentioned going off because you can’t admit your wrongs, but admitting that you can’t admit to them, is a very good insight, and a step in the right direction.

Do you have a therapist?

Have you tried running? Aerobic exercise releases endorphins, which can improve a person’s mood. That’s why people talk about a “runner’s high.” It also improves brain functioning.

You seem to have a great concern about what other people think of you. What others think of you is far less important than what you think of yourself. The amazing thing is, when you think better of yourself, others usually think better of you.

Stop thinking of yourself as the person you used to be. You are different now. Your values are different. You are now focused on improving yourself and your life. You have come a long way, and that is to be admired.

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