I’m stuck in this loop of hoping I can get something from this girl who is lost, broken, and confused about what she wants. She has lead me on more times than I could count and it has caused me so much pain from time and time again. I can’t seem to shake the feeling about how I feel about her. I need to be realistic and view myself in a healthier way with someone who wants to love me. Not someone who is unsure or selfish about what she wants. I’m feeling frustrated and stupid for ever believing so.
Relationships are made to be balanced, and equal when it comes to feelings.
If you want to be happy in a relationship, as well as your partner, you need to trust each other that you will be happy together, or else it won’t work.
If she hurt you in the past and is not willing to change for your happiness, i think the only option is to move on.
However, if you think it can work this time and she is decided to change and build a healthy relationship with you, go for it!
But before making any choice, just remember that self-love is the key to any healthy relationship, as well as self-being.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I appreciate you reaching out.
You’re not stupid. But it’s understandable that you’re frustrated right now. Having a hard time myself to learn what “letting go” means, I often find myself in situations where I’m divided between my reason and my feelings. It’s like: I know the facts, but I feel differently. So, it doesn’t make the situation easier to deal with.
But you’ve learned from your past experiences with her. And, through the posts you shared recently, it seems that it would be unsafe to be with her right now. She seems to have her own struggles, insecurities that she needs to work on. Indeed, you deserve to be in a healthy relationship, where you are seen, respected, loved and cared for. If it was destructive before, if she didn’t change since then, then it’s likely to be the same story that would repeat itself, unfortunately.
It’s painful to love someone yet knowing that they wouldn’t bring anything positive to you at this point. It’s natural to love, to feel this need to be loved in return, but not at any cost, and certainly not at the cost of yourself.
I guess you’ll certainly feel this inner contradiction for a certain time. And as much as it’s frustrating, know that it’s okay to feel how you feel. Our heart and our mind have a different “temporality”. But you’ll get through this. You’ll learn from this experience and I hope it will help you to find someone one day who’ll love you unconditionally. You deserve that. And I guess the best move you could do right now is to keep focusing on yourself, on your life, on your own dreams, desires, and take care of yourself as much as possible. And that includes giving yourself the grace and patience you need to move on progressively.
Thank you so much for your encouragement and wisdom. I take all of your responses very seriously and can’t thank you enough for giving me permission to be heard. This helps a lot.