Insight into pet peeve is crushing

I’ve realized over the past few days that I have a crippling need for things to be convenient. This in and of itself is good. I’m growing in my understanding of myself and the world. The problem is that EVERYTHING is inconvenient right now. I live in an apartment I don’t like, where I don’t have money to build in convenience like I usually do. I work a job where I have no control over what I do and end up just being a pair of eyes. I have to pay for a washer dryer with quarters for the first time in my life, much of my clothes are packed right now with nowhere convenient to live. and my wife and I recently discovered how much she cares about having everything put away and out of sight. RIGHT after we move into this apartment with nowhere to put anything away. So it’s hardly worth any effort to make anything convenient anyway. Not that we have the money to tho. anyway. this is getting long. Now that I’ve had this realization about myselt I can’t stop seeing them and feeling more frustrated by all of it. Which then feeds into my shame loop.


Very insightful! I saw the headline of your post, then walked away for a few minutes before I started reading it. Before I started reading it, I thought about how convenient it would be for the bathroom to clean itself, the laundry to wash, dry and fold itself, and maybe a servant robot that would make food and bring it to us while we watch TV or something.

I guess you already have found out that the “shame loop” delays progress and reduces energy.

Consider that even if nothing changed, and even if you resisted, you’d end up adapting eventually. It’s just the way humans are. It’s in our DNA, just as it is to let things irritate us that don’t have to.

I have no clue regarding what’s possible in your apartment, but I can tell you a bit about what’s worked for me. I’ve lived in rooms, efficiency apartments, cabins, tiny two bedroom apartments, and quite a few houses. By the sound of it, I’m guessing you’re probably in a two or three room apartment. Do you have closets and dressers?

Anyway, I hate seeing clutter, so I’ve always designated a single area to stack with stuff till I can sort it out and put it into cabinets, closets or whatever. For a time, I lived without furnishings, only an air mattress. I stacked my laundry against a wall and covered it with towels. Those were empty fridge days and dollar store kitchenware.

Be patient with yourselves. You can’t do it all at once, even if you had all the money, space and furnishings in the world.

When EVERYTHING’s inconvenient, the thought of trying to fix it all can be daunting and discouraging.

Pick just one thing per day to deal with. After some days have passed, you may have reason to feel less stressed. There must be one thing that stands out more than the rest that bothers you. That’s your starting point. If you can’t put it away, put it somewhere that’s less irritating.

If you’re like me, it isn’t the pet peeve that’s crushing. Instead, it’s the thought of taking the first step to do something about it.

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@metaBrook Welcome to the Heart Support community. I hope that you find this a safe place to talk about what is happening and concerning you. Interesting insights you have made about yourself and your wife. Is there a change in your life circumstances that caused the move? Sometimes the cause of the inconveniences can be as frustrating as the inconveniences themselves.

It sounds like you feel a lack of control all the way around right now. Feeling constrained, closed in and underutilized can be like trying to wear clothes that are scratchy and tight. It’s miserable. And the more you scratch at it the more miserable it becomes. And frustrating.

The thing is when we focus on being ashamed of feelings and behaviors, we focus also on those feelings and behaviors and we can find ourselves feeding them. Like Wings said, if you can pick one thing to start and change that it helps change the direction of where you are going. It’s the old eating and elephant thing - you can only do it one bite at a time. Another thing you can perhaps try is this: take one thing that is inconvenient right now and find something in it to be grateful for. For instance, you are in a small apartment. The gratitude is that you were able to secure that apartment and have housing.
When we can find the good in a situation, it helps us deal with the inconveniences that are there.

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, metaBrook, and welcome to HeartSupport. Thank you for coming and sharing your story with us.

Moving is always so stressful and entering new situations even more so. I hope that you are able to get used to your new environment.

I have a few ideas about how to help you out:
-To cut back on how much laundry you do, you can hand wash and hang a few items like underwear. If your shirts get smelly but aren’t really dirty you can always hang them for a week or two or use febreeze to eliminate the smell without fully washing them. I use this trick on graphic tees a lot
-With regards to organising your stuff without having the spare money for all the nice organisation boxes you can Organise them in the packing boxes and label the boxes really well. And then you can buy a cheap but pretty table cloth or wall hanging to cover the boxes and make it look better.
-You can buy cheap things at secondhand stores, Facebook marketplace, garage sales. I don’t know what country you are in but WalMart has some pretty cheap bookshelves and things that are good for storage and organising in small spaces. I also go dumpster shopping. I’m in a big city and pass alleys with shelving units or storage bins in them sometimes that people are throwing out. Some of them are really useful just beware of fabric items usually.

And when my parents first got married they were so poor they splurged by buying a new bottle of spice each week until they had everything the wanted for cooking. Maybe you could do something similar. Save up all month or something and buy a storage item each month or every couple months. Just an idea. It all doesn’t need to be done at once. The important thing is that you two work as a team and figure these things out together.

Good luck! And please feel free to come and share again anytime :hrtlegolove:

From: MissTpyed

Welcome to The Wall, where I hope we can provide you practical and beneficial advice. Although it is quite a natural reaction, we should feel no shame in desiring things we deserve in life. It sounds like you work hard and want to see the fruits of that labour.
When faced with such a wide range of issues that you find inconvenient and hard to negotiate I am sure life is overwhelming. I imagine that looking at the obstacles to the life you deserve must make you feel like you are facing an insurmountable task. Stop, take a breath and believe that you have it within you to accomplish your goals. The fact that this is causing you so much stress shows how important it is to you.
I would suggest breaking the mountain you face down into smaller hills that are easier to surmount. Pick the smallest problem you face and make a realistic plan to tackle it. Once you accomplish this - because I believe you will - move on to something slightly bigger. You can then use the fulfilment you feel from achieving these goals to push you forward to conquer your larger obstacles.
I would also recommend putting a little time aside each day to consider things you have already realized within your life. You have already laid the foundations to actualize a rewarding job, a successful relationship and a happy home.