Insignificant recurring memory

i keep thinking about my old cat that died. we had her for maybe 10 years? one day last year she got really sick but we couldn’t afford to take her to the vet right away so we tried to help her at home but it wasn’t working. we were going to take her in three days after my parents could get money but two days later she died. the night she died, she was meowing from her cage (she likes to be in a cage and would walk back in even if we took her out because she liked the privacy from our other cats) and i knew she was in pain but i couldn’t do anything and i kept crying over it until i couldn’t anymore so i tried to sleep but she just kept meowing and i felt bad and i was so fucking shitty for this but i kept telling her to be quiet and she did. but when i woke up she was dead and i think she died which is why she stopped meowing and i still haven’t gotten over that. my last words to her werent “i love you” but were telling her to practically shut up? i’m a horrible fucking person. i miss her so much. i feel so guilty and i’ll never forgive myself for it. i wish i could just hold her once more and tell her i love her and that i’m sorry. i fucking love you, pebbles, i really do. i’m so sorry for not telling you it before you died. i couldn’t even hold you because it hurt you. i’m so sorry.

this is more of a rant than a support post but i feel so fucking horrible over this. i hate myself


hey friend!
i am so sorry for ur loss. it must be hard living with ur bestfriend for 10 years and then all of a sudden everything changes and he/she dies. you dont need to feel guilty, pets die, pets get sick we all do. he/she loved you, the cat is now hearing and seeing what are you going through.
you are strong! u can do it!
bianka <3

From: Ash (Discord)

I am so sorry you are struggling with this and the death of a pet is always hard. First off that is not your fault that she passed in general or even in that moment. I am sure that your cat was cared for beyond compare and loved because if not you wouldnt be this upset to how you said to be quiet to her and you have that fear she died because of that. First off it is very unlikely that it happened that way. I also know that cats and other animals do have a tendency to meow or such a little bit prior to just relaxing and than passing. I do not think that you made her do that. It was just her time. Please know you shouldnt hate yourself over this by any means. You are a very important person and deserve to know that your cat is on the other side of what you are saying going uh I forgive them that didnt even upset me. But sadly we cant see that. Just know I am sure the cat you love would not want you feeling like it is your fault. I am very glad you shared this stuff rather than holding it in.


I still think about my first cat, who passed away about eight years ago, maybe a little more? We got her when I was six and she lasted about fifteen years. I still think about how in her early years I was occasionally horrible to her in secret—I was just a child with hidden aggression/control issues.

Growing up together, we turned out pretty okay, both of us sweet and spoiled. Catie was an amazing cat, the smartest I’ve ever seen. I loved her dearly, and I like to think it was mutual. The two strongest, most prominent memories I have of her are the worst…the times I was horrible to her as a child and the day I was at her side when she was put down. I feel nothing but guilt when I think of her, so I try not to, which always makes me feel even more guilty. I cry every time, even now.

There’s nothing we can do to change the past, what we did, but we can focus on the good memories and try to forgive ourselves and learn for future pets to come. I’m so sorry you have this as your last memory of her, and I don’t really have much good advice for it other than to try and focus on the good times and how much you loved your babygirl.


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