I’m a new dad and my girlfriend and I are going through some hard times right now. Constantly fighting the past week, struggling with a future dude to COVID and i feel like I’m being a bad father and boyfriend. I feel myself slipping into the darkness all over again…
There’s nothing like being a new parent in the midst of a pandemic to bring out the stress in ya. It can seem like absolute hell and tough to hold on to a positive outlook for the future. I echo what Nate says, though, and that is to find community with other dads. People that understand exactly what you’re going through. It takes a village to lift one another up, and sometimes, it’s what we desperately need most. Most of all, hang in there and don’t give up. You’re going to come out of this strong.
There’s nothing more defeating that feeling like you’re losing on the homefront…it makes it so hard to go out into the world and have any sense of confidence or motivation when you’re coming from a place of discouragement, or conflict, or shame…to feel like you’re just beat, dead tired, emotionally exhausted from all of the conflict. And then add to the mix parenting, which as a new parent is BRUTALLY difficult…it sounds like you’ve got the odds stacked against you, and it’s so hard to remain positive when it feels like everything’s falling apart.
You’re finding ways to persevere, though, which is incredible. It’d be so easy to bail. To give up. To let the mom raise the kid and run away. I’m sure it’s tempting at times, and that you’re still in this fight…honorable. Way to go, friend.
I think the #1 thing I’d recommend is – get in community. Find other dads that are fighting in the same direction you are…fighting for the health of their families, fighting to become better men, better husbands, better dads…I had a breakdown when I became a new dad…there’s so much pressure…it’s so fucking brutal on your soul to go it alone…when I finally found other dads that cared and were willing to come alongside me, it brought me out of my depths and into a space of hope…knowing I wasn’t alone and SEEING PEOPLE SUCCEED…and encourage me to do the same… There’s so much power in that, man.
In the meantime, hold fast. You’re doing well. I believe in you.
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