I feel like no one really wants to help me and I constantly push people away by accident. My heart is only for those around me and I find it so hard to cope or do anything day to day. Every day is a struggle and explaining that to people so they understand is the hardest thing but I want them to make sense of why I am the what that I am? Like it’s an excuse but I don’t want to use it as one and breaking the cycle is the hardest thing. I’m being true to myself but it hurts people by being so.
From Original Poster: @tbhitslos it’s a terrible feeling but it’s who I am now and where I’m at. Recognizing it and accepting is the hardest realization but I live to get better! I hope you’re doing the best you can and find what you’re looking for, it may be already in front of you
From @tbhitslos: @originalposter jesus, I couldnt relate to this more… this is absolutely spot on as to how I feel aswell :\
First of all I hope that you are doing well.
Its sad to hear that you are currently struggling and that you need help more than ever. You mentioned that you feel like no one wants to help you and that you push them away by accident. What gives you the feeling that this is current you situation?
If you feel like they won’t understand what you going through then you need to start by explaining it to yourself. It helps to clarify what bothers you and what needs to change to make you happy. Once you know what you need, show it to them.
I am sure that your Family / Friends will then understand you but the first step needs to be made by you.
You can do it! Believe in yourself and i am sure you will be on the right path.
Best regards and hugs from Switzerland,
Here is an inspiring story for you. I hope it helps.
Aoi’s Story: No one understands but him
I was just in first grade, but I was already being treated like trash. Sometimes people would try to be my friend, but I would accidentally say something rude and they would just leave me. I blamed myself, but my mom said it was because I was so naive. I kept accidentally being rude. No one believed me when I told them that I didn’t mean to be mean. I also understand some things in a different way than most people do. I understand things in logic and thought, but not always in words. My dad always says, “If you understand it, then you can explain it.” That is truly not the case. And by only first grade, I was already being bullied, and rejected, and accidentally being rude to people and them leaving me. But in the middle of first grade, a new student came. He is in a special class, because he is blind. He always carries a walking stick to feel where he’s going, and his eyes are grey and clouded over. He walked up, shakily, to the front of the classroom, stood next to the teacher. He said that his name was Hiroyoshi, and he calls himself Hiroyo. He said that his dream was to be a professional volleyball player, and to play among people who could see. He already had a dream, in first grade. I could tell by the sound in his voice that he knew how hard he would have to work to achieve his dream. And again, I thought I saw an opportunity to make a new friend. I talked to him, and he listened. And soon I was walking him to class, and we would have conversations. He never left me, even when I accidentally said something rude. And we both got bullied, but we stood up for each other. We taught ourselves how to fight with the walking stick. And our friendship grew so close, that I had to tell him about how I was not really the one being rejected, but the one rejecting, even if it be by accident. But I could not explain it. I tried. I thought that I knew no one would understand. But Hiroyo said, “I understand more than I can express. I can’t explain it either, though.” And I could tell by the sincerity in his voice, that he really meant it. Hiroyo showed me that it was not my fault for accidentally being rude and not being able to explain things, and though the people who left me may be good people, they are not my friends. Hiroyo is such a good friend to me, that he understands how I feel without even seeing my face, and I don’t have to say much to him for him to understand my troubles. And over the years, we grew so close that we thought of each other as family, and whenever Hiroyo was not feeling confident, my hugs would always comfort him. And we would sit in a field together, and I would look into the sunset and he would smell the flowers. I wish that could have lasted forever. But one day, in high school, Hiroyo told me that his family was moving away. His face was stricken with the tears pouring from his beautiful eyes. He told me that I was like family to him too, and that wherever he got to be with me was truly his home. He collapsed into my arms, and I held him in a loving embrace for a very long time. Once his cold tears were dry, new, warm, stinging tears formed when he tried to talk. And he spoke through he sobs. He promised to me that he would come back to me, no matter what, and that part of what made him himself was that he never went back on his promises. Even now that he has moved to another town, he is still the person closest to me in soul. And I believe that he will keep his promise, and come back, no matter what, no matter how many years it is, and how much I’ve changed without him. And I believe, that even if you are not in first grade, that a friend will come to you, who makes a close bond with your soul, and understands how you feel without you even trying to explain it.
Keep holding on. Sincerely, Pengyou.