Insurmountable Grief - Loss Of Son

My son Tony was killed while he was pulling out of a driveway and dropping off his friend. A man who was high on lots of drugs was fleeing from the police hit him at speeds over 100 MPH and there was nothing left.
I am bipolar with new symptoms of self mutilation (now I’m picking the skin off my arm), I no longer want to leave my house, I am kind of obsessing about death and liveleak, and last month I was Baker Acted into a mental hospital for 3 days by my Psychiatrist. I’m going crazy. I am not me anymore. I keep asking them for medication that will really help. They keep saying I need more counseling. Right.
I’m a really quiet person, and I’m not lying when I tell you that the quiet people get no respect and no response. When I finally do, they look at me like my hair is on fire.
My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer shortly after this happened and I already have an issue with people leaving… just waiting for the time to come when this too happens.
WTF. Right?
One of the police departments settled, but the money is gone due to lack of insurance, the guy who hit my son is in jail for 10 years, and my husband is forcing me go to through the litigation for wave 2 of the next police department, no matter how much anxiety or pain this costs.
I really just want to die.
I really do.
People just leave. They always leave. I wish I had a true friend that didn’t.

Hi. Thank you for sharing.
Your story breaks my heart. I can’t imagine the kind of pain, confusion and exhaustion you must be feeling from this. It might not be worth much, but we love you so much and we want you to stay. No matter what trials you face, you still have a purpose here. Even if it isn’t clear yet. I understand that may be a difficult thing to be told right now. Just know that you are loved eternally and you matter to us. Please stay.

Hang in there friend,

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Oh my heart. What an awful thing to have happen. To you, your family, your son. I am so sorry for your loss and the hell that you and your family has been put through. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be juggling the grief and the stress of a loss, financial and feeling so utterly broken.

As a quiet person, I’m sure that therapy can be very hard. But it really can be such an amazing thing if you found a therapist that really worked for you. So that you have a safe place to put all of your feelings and pains and have someone who can work with you through all of that.

Friend, I don’t have answers. I don’t know what to say to make it better. But I care for you. I see all that you have written, I hear your pain and my heart just breaks.

You are so important and I hope that you can find something that will give you some comfort and relief to all of the grief and pain. It won’t go away right away and it’ll take time…and with something like losing a child… I am so sorry.

I just…I wish I could give you a hug, make it all go away and tell you it’ll all be okay. In time it will be. One day at a time. Find someone you can trust with how you feel and do whatever you need to do to fight and stay strong.

We are here fighting along with you. So much love to you.


I will stay for as long as I can, Jaden. So many people would be hurt if I left. As funny as this may sound, I feel like there is pain in the afterlife also, and I would have guilt for leaving my other children and family. I wish I knew if I would get into heaven. Many people say that this is a final fix to a temporary problem. I know that I’m only one voice, but maybe I do have a purpose :slight_smile: Thanks for answering me. It meant a LOT.

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Hi Koyangi. Oh, thank you so much for writing back to me. I appreciate so much that you appreciate me. I started couseling a few weeks ago online, through my insurance company, and I do like her. But to me, it’s a lot like just chatting with a friend. I hope that she can provide insight that I haven’t found yet. Thank you for caring about me. I hope that i can also provide help to others here. Love to you!

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