Intense romantic feelings toward a friend

[Metalskater1990]

I’m been hanging with my new friend for about at least a month or 2 now. We go skateboarding together, get food, and just hang out with whole Saturday. We gotten really close and it kinda stressful I someway. Unfortunately, I developed feelings towards her, but she has a boyfriend. However, been thinking being in a open relationship.

1. My co workers kept telling me to hook up with her. Which I get irritated cause one she a boyfriend and two she might be into me that way. I don’t want fuck up the friendship.

2. My family want me to date her when she break up with her boyfriend. My mom would probably think I’m wasting my time with her. But I do enjoy her company.

3. It suck cause she live an hour away which is not terrible if we hang in her state, but today I drive 4 hours and it give a lot of anxiety and gas is not cheap. It kinda the major bummer about it.

4. I’m dealing with intense emotions about it, cause what if she stop being friends with me. I don’t if I can handle it and get me stress out. It put me into a dark place and make feel suicidal. Even I know better to respect myself and value myself. But my emotions still take over. It a lot of intense emotions right noe

[Lisaw1973]

Hi @Metalskater1990
You are looking at this in a really healthy way which is good for both you, your new friend and your mental well being unlike your co workers.

@Metalskater1990

My co workers kept telling me to hook up with her. Which I get irritated cause one she a boyfriend and two she might be into me that way. I don’t want fuck up the friendship.

You are absolutely right to find this irritating and quite frankly its just thoughtless, this would probably mess up everything, not to mention ruin both your friendship and her relationship and there are no winners in that scenario.

@Metalskater1990

My family want me to date her when she break up with her boyfriend. My mom would probably think I’m wasting my time with her. But I do enjoy her company.

You may have to consider that she could stay with this person she is dating, you may have to keep your feeling for her as “friendship only” and be happy with that. and there is no time wasting involved in spending quality time with a good friend. Its a wonderful thing to make memories with someone important to you .

@Metalskater1990

It suck cause she live an hour away which is not terrible if we hang in her state, but today I drive 4 hours and it give a lot of anxiety and gas is not cheap. It kinda the major bummer about it.

That is a real shame especailly right now with the cost of gas so much and then if you get anxiety on top of that it must be rough but that just shows how important this friendship is and thats not bad at all and with time hopefully the more you do it the better your anxiety wil become and maybe even the price of gas will come down (stranger things have happened)

@Metalskater1990

I’m dealing with intense emotions about it, cause what if she stop being friends with me. I don’t if I can handle it and get me stress out. It put me into a dark place and make feel suicidal. Even I know better to respect myself and value myself. But my emotions still take over. It a lot of intense emotions right noe

You do have a lot going on in your head right now clearly and that sucks because this should be a really nice time in your life, meeting this person, getting out, having fun and enjoying yourself. I know it can be difficult to structure your feelings as they get a bit carried away but I want you to remind youself that this friend likes you for who you are and as you are so if its good why change it and if you are both gaining a good solid friendship lets not risk it.
I truly am so pleased for you and hope that your mind quietens and your friendship continues. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

[Wings]

Your feelings are intense because your passion is aimed at someone who’s at the moment unattainable. I know the feeling. You have an inner debate going. There’s the desire to make a romantic approach, at the risk of really messing up the friendship. There’s also part of you that wants to do the right thing and not do anything that may affect her relationship with her boyfriend.

If there is a breakup, and she feels as though you were trying to make that happen, or hoping it would happen, it’s very likely that she would distance herself from you. It’s quite possible that she would associate you with the memory of a painful breakup.

Be a supportive friend, and don’t even hint that you might be interested in becoming romantic. There’s a risk that she would think you were trying to “take her away” from her boyfriend, and she would think less of you for it.

The feelings may remain intense, but become much more manageable if you make a solid commitment to yourself that you’re going to fully accept and respect her current life choices and relationships. If she becomes unattached, she’ll appreciate that you didn’t attempt to steer her decisions.

“Keep calm and carry on.” Wings