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Introduction message...i think

So… Hello you can call me Nelly, I am 22,and I live with my brother, I got a big family, family of 6 kids
My mother is dead and my dad is absent, mostly cause he’s busy chasing and hooking up with random woman (sensitive subject I am sorry) I don’t know if I am going through depression or not… All I know is that I am stressed and I feel useless… My own family makes me feel useless cause I don’t do stuff the way they want or cause I don’t get it the way they do… Not that I haven’t noticed stuff changing when it comes to me, I used to communicate and understand more before my mother’s death itt just got worse, by time cause I am stressful… I mess up stuff all the time but I have good intentions just they are never enough …i ruin stuff and I get yelled at, I was threaten and still am to be kicked out since I don’t do stuff the way they want, I feel useless and stupid for not getting stuff, I even started forgetting how to communicate in English, not my first language but used to be the one I practiced at… I know I’d be better off, leaving, and staying alone but at the moment is hard without money, still a university student… So I am all over the place

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I know a lot of people will say this, but I understand how you’re feeling, and this pain. A lot of the time, you might feel useless, but no one really is useless. Our individuality and interests and ideas make everyone unique. “Uselessness” is a just mean and short lie to avoid the truth. Right now, you’re just exploring the world before finding your path. You might not know it now, you might never know, but as long as you stay true to yourself you’ll find it. Things are hard, but you must stay strong. I know it might be difficult, but talk to your family and figure out what you can do to help each other. Talk one on one with those that are closest or the most neutral to you, then progress to the others. It’s difficult, but things will get better. You’ll never be alone. Those of us on this site and I will always be there to help and support you. For now, just stay strong and do your best. I believe in you Nelly <3.

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We don’t communicate as we should here, we barely speak to each other, if not needed something, due to age gap we have… That’s why it’s even harder to talk, I tried mentioning it in the past but cause they’re short tempered don’t really get me or act like as if nothing happened afterwards or like if it’s my fault

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From: tromboness

I hate feeling useless. I’m currently in a slump because I’m living with my brother while I’ve been job searching for two years. I hate feeling like I’m mooching off of him and others that help me with my needs. It’s very hard feeling like you’ve no place else to go and you can’t do any better. You are not alone; Hold Fast.

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From: taylorpalmby

Wow friend, my heart aches for you, and i want to start out by saying. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You don’t deserve all of this pain, and I can tell how strong you are just by the fact that you reached out. Grief is difficult enough, but when you add on everything else you are going through I’m sure it feels so overwhelming. So I’m so proud of you for opening up about your struggles here.

Something that really helps me is focusing on what I am good at even if it is something so small. Maybe it’s I’m good at encouraging people, or I’m good at making playlists. Shifting focus from what you can’t do to what you can do can be super helpful!

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From: r0xiz

I am very sorry for your recent loss of your mother. A death in the family is really detrimental. People grieve in strange ways, take how your father is dealing with it for instance. Also the rest of the family seems to be doing so as well because of how they are treating you. I think everyone of you guys need some time to let it all go. Remember that first and foremost they are your family and I know that deep down they care for you and love you. You are special to all of them.

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From: adam_actual

I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry to hear that things have been less than ideal with your family since your mother’s passing. This sounds really difficult, but I want you to recognize that you are never useless based on the expectations of others. We all have obstacles thrown our way, but we need to give ourselves grace and know that you’re only human and you’re doing the best you can. I believe you have the strength within you, and this community supports you. Hold fast!

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Hi @Nel,

Being stressed in such circumstances is absolutely normal. You’re in a big family, you’re grieving your mom and the ones who are supposed to encourage you make feel useless… it’s a lot to handle at the same time. And feeling useless is such a destructive feeling. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this right now. You don’t deserve any of it.

You may feel like you’re useless, but you’re not. I’m pretty sure you do a lot for your family already. And… friend, you’re studying! That’s awesome. I understand the struggle of focusing on studies when everything else around you is chaotic. Such as having a family that makes you feel like whatever you do it’s never enough. So I really want to encourage you to take some time to acknowledge your achievements and be proud of who you are. You’re not a failure and you don’t mess up everything. Your actions may not be enough for your family, but it has to be enough for you first and no one else.

Also communication can be very hard when everyone in the family is grieving. In my family, the way we communicate has been very impacted after my brother passed away. Some of us needed to isolate, others to cry or talk about him all the time, or even anger… And as these emotions changes all the time, it’s really hard to find the right balance. It’s just chaos. Especially when we all live at the same place and can’t get some emotional intimacy. For us, things changed after I shared about how I’ve been feeling about this. It was 7 months after my brother passed away, and before that we never really talked about it altogether. My dad especially needed that ‘cause he was holding everything inside.

I really hope that you and your family will find a way to communicate, just because when we’re hurting we can support each other if we accept to be vulnerable. Just know that we’re also hear for you to listen and help as much as we can. If sometimes it gets too overwhelming at home, then know you can come here to catch some breaths again. You matter.

Sending much love. :heart:

@Nel . We covered your topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream today! Here’s the live video response.

Hold Fast!

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