Hey, everybody. So, I started going to therapy yesterday to seek help for my ongoing depression.
I was finally able to tell someone about my suicidal ideation I have been dealing with the past few weeks. Since yesterday I started developing deep feelings of shame about telling my therapist, even thought the response was very empathic and understanding. These feelings of shame are foreign to me, and I don’t really know how to handle them. Has anyone experienced something like this?
I will mention this at my next appointment next week, even thought I really don’t want to. I just don’t understand why I am so hard on myself. It felt so good to finally tell someone I have been struggling with suicide. But know my inner monologue goes like this:
Why did I even tell her?
You don’t really want to kill yourself!
You are attention seeking!
It’s not that bad!
Brains are crazy, people. What’s going on up there?
Greetings and hugs for everybody struggling out there
Hey @QuestionMark, welcome to Heart Support! You came to the right place.
Those feelings are really normal because, as depressed folks with low self esteem, we minimize whatever we do or whatever we are, even if it’s bad. We feel like nobody, and we don’t want to impose our nobody-ness on anyone.
That said, CONGRATULATIONS on starting therapy, opening up in your first session, and realizing that you should talk through what you’re feeling now! Opening up is a really hard first step, and the fact that you did it so quickly is awesome and inspiring! You seem to have the wherewithal to realize that your therapist isn’t there to judge you, and that makes opening up a lot safer. A lot of us feel so much shame talking to our therapists that we just omit some or all of the story. We’re paying them to listen, we ought to get the most for our money.
I think if you can answer that, you’ll be the final winner of the Nobel Prize
Feel free to talk about your therapy progress here! It’s kinda fun
Hi friend. First, I want to say I’m proud of you for talking to a therapist. I know how hard that is, and how much strength it takes. So I’m proud of you.
On the topic of those feelings of shame about talking to your therapist, I know how you feel. I felt the same when I first started attending therapy. You’re not alone there. I also want to say this:
You are loved. You are important. And your feelings, and you, are valid.
I want you to know that it’s great you’re in therapy.
You’re not attention seeking. You’re seeking help. And seeking help is good.
Hold fast, friend. You’re loved.
