Venting but looking for feedback.
I used to make fun of those who get bent over little things.
Then I grew up a bit and realized that people are allowed to prioritize mental and emotional health. I realized that people in my past often invalidated me, so I did not regard others as valid. I learned.
Now, though, I don’t know what to do. It feels like a lot of people - even in “safe spaces” - don’t really…care if they offend others. I know this is not really the case. People at HS have really shown me a better way of dealing with people - and I feel really…seen and heard here.
Elsewhere, though, I’ll point out a problem and get told that I missed the joke, or that I took it wrong. That happened today.
I don’t get it.
The joke was part of some people talking about how they used to eat dirt, how fragile kids these days are, etc.
I didn’t have the luxury of physical toughness or whatever. What most kids shrugged off landed me in the hospital.
I grew up with (mostly older) people telling me to walk things off, get over it, it won’t kill me. That invalidation was wrong…so why do people in safe spaces consider it okay?
Hey, thanks for sharing this. I want to start by saying that it is important to surround yourself with people who are willing to validate your feelings. Brushing something that hurt someone off as a joke is never okay and this person should have at least apologised even if they didn’t understand how it hurt your feelings. Undermining someone’s feelings is never the right option.
i suggest in the future if someone doesn’t understand that they hurt, try to explain it to them and if they still have this view on your emotions being non important you need to stay clear of them for a while.
i know it sounds sucky, but your mental health and happiness is the most important, so if that means removing someone from your social life so be it.
i hope you can surround yourself with more understanding.
best of wishes <3
Thanks so much for your response.
It does seem like a matter of coping with mean behavior on the internet. It happened in a public server.
In another server today, people were making fun of an older person for getting offended at the “Boomer Remover” COVID meme, justifying it because of the messes blamed on that generation.
It’s obviously not an isolated thing. I don’t know what to do about it other than block the jerks and try to think about higher roads.
sounds like a great idea. Some people don’t deserve a reaction
Hey friend, it think it’s awesome you’ve done a lot of self exploration and reflection. These are such necessary things when it comes to growth. Also fantastic to hear that we are positively impacting your life and that you feel safe with us. In regards to your question. My belief is that people are imperfect, and there will be times that even in safe places, people still lack some discernment or validation. It’s like they miss the mark of they that person needed or say something without realizing who it may harm or affect. I used to (and still catch myself) get angry when I felt invalidated, or if I was being vulnerable and someone didn’t pick up on it or lacked sensitivity. I have tried to remember that people aren’t perfect, and something that may seem light hearted could be deeply hurtful to another. I still catch myself getting angry, but I try to look at the these spaces as people who do have good hearts, they just messed up and I don’t think they know it.
I hope that helps in some way! Thank you for finding us a safe place here!