Is it me or is it them?

I’m a 30 year old male. I have 2 kids that are my life. I have a good girlfriend also. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety all my life. I am on medication but it doesn’t seem to help with the anxiety. The problem I have is with friends. I never really had a best friend. I was all ways kinda part of the group but never anyone’s best friend. Some times I would be the butt off jokes then sometimes I wouldn’t be. My past relationships with friends really bother me. I question myself all the time is it me or is it my bad choice of friends. I am very loyal. I can be an asshole but only when it comes time to be an asshole. I’ve been blown off before and friends acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I had 2 good friends I worked with and I over herd them talking shit on be about a problem they had to fix when I was on vacation. I approached the one about it and he was honest about it. The other denied talking shit and turned it on me and said I was acting like a girl and threatened to end our friendship. These are only 2 examples and I have plenty more. Now that I have kids alot of them have stopped calling me. I spend most of my time at work and with my kids. I really don’t have friends anymore and sometimes it gets to me. I’m holding a grudge against all the friends that wronged me. I think about this alot. I wish I had a best friend but I don’t. Maybe I’ve been to nice? Maybe I should just not trust everyone anymore and expect people to be loyal ? Can anyone help me ? I guess I expect everyone to like me and be a good friend so maybe it is me. I need help!!!

Hi @Mooseman Thanks so much for telling your story. I want to say that your story spoke to me so much. I feel like you might be a kindred spirit. I,too, haven’t been able to develop any really strong friendships or best friends for almost a decade. For the record, I am 32 years old now, married, and thinking about a family with my wife.

Please know it’s not you. It sounds like you have been trying hard to make friendships and sustain them. Sometimes people just suck and they won’t be there for you when you need them to. I get it. I know it may not sound easy but please think about letting go of the wrongdoings and forgiving these “friends.” You will thrive so much more in the long run. I know it’s hard but it will be worth it.

I am so depressed about friendship too. I just can’t seem to find friends who truly care and want to connect on a deeper level. It’s not fun, especially when dealing with depression and anxiety.

It’s amazing that you are a father! I know I don’t know you but it’s incredibly inspiring how you explained that your kids are your life! That is truly special and I am sure they feel that love and warmth. You sound like a great father. We need more good role models like that in our world.

Getting older, true friendship just seems hard to come by. I don’t know what it is but it’s not easy. Thank you for sharing and for being vulnerable. Just know that God loves you and you have immense value in his eyes. We are all here for your as well at Heart Support. I just started to be a part of the wall here and it’s obvious how much love and care is here. The people are amazing!

Stay strong my friend! :slight_smile:

Hey Mooseman,

First I want to say welcome, and I am so glad that you are here. I want you to know that you are loved here, and you are welcome. That we hear you, and that we see your pain, and your struggles, and you are not alone in that, and we want to walk along side you through this. I’m so glad that you came to the support wall, and that you reached out here.

“I have 2 kids that are my life, and I have a good girlfriend also.” I am so glad that you are able to recognize the good things that you have in your life, because that is so so important. But also (and I’m not saying that you are doing this), please please don’t dismiss your feelings and your pain just because you have good things in life, and this is also not undermining the good things.

Your pain, and your hurt matters. I care, we care, and it’s okay for you to express your pain, it’s okay to have bad times, to be sad, to be hurt, etc. Because unfortunately pain happens and it sucks, but you made a huge step coming here and reaching out.

Relationships are really hard, it’s something that I have really really struggled with for quite some time. What I want to tell you is that your friends talking bad about you, doesn’t define your worth, or make you any less of a person. So please don’t beat yourself up because of their actions and their mistakes.

Although for me it wasn’t a girlfriend and kids that made me separate/lose friends but rather work/and school. Sometimes that can be a hard balance, and I too really struggle with keeping friends, especially healthy ones. I don’t have too much advice other than it takes time, and just make sure you are not isolating. I’ve recently found myself getting frustrated at similar things, like why are people so crappy and fake to me, and rude. I’ve been nice to them, why can’t they treat me the same, and unfortunately sometimes that’s not how that works.

Please don’t give up, and don’t ever blame yourself. You are so loved and valued and important. Also, I know that you mentioned that you felt like your medicine wasn’t helping with your anxiety, I would definitely express that concern honestly to your doctor, and see if they can either change it, increase it, or whatever they see fit.

Also here’s a link for you to order Dwarf Planet, the heart support work book about depression, I honestly believe that it could be helpful for you.

To purchase it:

Free copy:

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,

@Mooseman Here is quote from a Bible meditation I read a while back that has helped me with the friendship thing in my life:

“Your value does not increase or decrease based on what others might say or think about you. Your value comes from the ingredients God used to make and save you.”

I have this posted about my desk at work. I hope that little reminder helps you as well. You are wonderful just the way you are!

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Thanks for all your help. I appreciate it.

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