I don’t like doing this anymore. It just seems selfish demanding more and more attention and shit that doesn’t seem to help in the long run. Should I just leave, and never return? Try to figure it out on my own? Although It’s nice that people seem to want to help me out here, it just seems selfish to keep on asking people to feed the black hole, and I don’t need more people telling me that I’m right. A girl I just can’t seem to get out of my head, I can’t stop thinking about her. I think that this is creepy, and strange that my head won’t stop doing this. I might have to go live at my mom’s, just to stay at the school I’m at. I went to a pet store today, and I was reminded of all the pets that I’ve lost. I don’t know what to feel, I just know that I’m not getting better. My heart is screaming for me to cut myself, to let the blood flow. This is probably stupid, but I don’t really want to post anything else. Maybe I will get better, Maybe I will just die. I’m probably just going to try and somehow get high, maybe finally find my bliss.
There’s nothing selfish about venting on this platform. You’re not “demanding” any attention. There’s zero obligation to reply or read posts. We’re all here to help one another. If you don’t feel like it’s helping you at all, then by all means find something else that will help you. Don’t feel like you need to leave because you’re a burden, because you’re NOT. You’ve obviously got some stuff you need to figure out, we all do. Just know that you don’t have to do it alone!
You’re mid-late teens right? I’ve been there man. Your brain chemistry is all over the place right now. The primal part of your brain is screaming “procreate by all means necessary!” and it’s at odds with the rest of your brain. That duality is hard to deal with. It influences all sorts of thought processes. It gets easier though. It will become more manageable.
As far as getting high, it may help temporarily. It will only further complicate things in the end though. Find a way to preoccupy your brain without drugs. Find something else that you’re forced to focus on, it could help provide some clarity.