Is it wrong to reach out to former friends after a friendship ended badly?

Hey everyone,

Im writing this to ask about if it is not a good idea to reach out to former friends After some friendships ended in a bad way.Let me elaborate. Often times you have some awesome friends that you meet somewhere it could be online,it could be IRL,and you make all sorts of awesome memories with them,but then for some reason,you guys stop talking to each other for 5,10 to 20 years,not because you hate each other,its just happened you know.then you go "oh shit,why did we stop talking"and you talk to them and meet up and invite them to dinner and things are good.Sadly,that isnt the case with me.I remember I had some awesome friends that I met online,but sadly,and because of me and my actions(which Im not ashamed nor afraid to admit that I fucked up big time)I destroyed friendships,and I want to rectify it you know,I have been putting it off for a decent portion of time,but I feel now its the right time,I just need some sage consuel.Do you guys think I should reach out to them?

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Hi!
I’m more of the person where I make awesome friends and then one day we lose track of eachother and I get depressed, but I have been on the receiving end of a bad friendship.

All I can tell you is that depending on how bad it was, it may or may not be a good idea for their own mental health. I know when mine reached back out to me I became very distressed, depressed, a little suicidal, and afraid. but that’s because I have trust issues now and it was a really abusive friendship. Depending on what you did, they may or may not forgive you so easily. Not to discourage you, it’s just something to take into account.

Now, if you have proven that you have regretted what you did and changed, then it’s definetly possible you can recconect. It all depends on the situation and how severe it was. To me it seems you have taken it in you to change and forgive your actions, I’m just saying that it’s possible that they might have not. But it’s defiently worth a shot if you are able to predict how they’ll act before hand.
-X

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Hey there @Xavier1

I can really appreciate having those feelings of leaving a friendship on bad terms can really feel crummy, and wanting to make amends or air the past can be very freeing. I would advise to go ahead and attempt contact with these past friends. Keep in mind that depending on what happened or was said, some people may not want to open that door up to you again. It’s ok either way. Just temper your expectations, and if nothing else you have expressed your feelings and removed that weight off your shoulders.

I can really appreciate your question and sometimes it really is not too late to make amends. Good luck to you and I hope that you are able to work things out.

Take care/Mish

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From: twixremix (Discord)

hey xavier! thank you for your vulnerability and honesty in this post, it takes a strong person to be able to own up to their mistakes in their past and want to find forgiveness. i’m really proud of you for that and i hope you’re also proud of yourself. when it comes to rectifying this situation, i think it’s all a matter of expectations. you can ask for forgiveness, which will require all the sincerity and honesty you have, but they might not automatically meet your expectations that things will go back to how they were. as long as you are prepared for any result to happen out of this apology to your friends, you’ll be golden. you can even use the new year as a good starting sentence like “i’m ready to begin a new chapter in 2022 and need to apologize for my past actions.” i look forward to hearing how it goes, my friend. i’ll be cheering you on always! love, twix

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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hey Friend, Thank you for your post, I totally get your point regarding how we let friendships ride for long periods of time and then meet up and that does happen a lot doesnt it? The situation that you have found yourself in also happens an awful lot too and I have to say reading your post I dont think you really need advice, I think you have it down brilliantly, if you talk to your friend with the honesty and sincerity that you have spoken in your post you cant do more than that. The only thing I will say is as time has passed you do need to be prepared to not get the response the hope for, that doesnt mean it will be bad, it just may not be wonderful, as long as you are prepared for every outcome. I really do wish you well I think you are doing a really good thing. much Love Lisa x

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ (Discord)

Hi @Xavier1 I’ve had similar experiences. I think it was worth it to reach out because I’m still in touch with them and it’s good. I’ve apologized and been apologized to and each time things were forgiven. I can’t say what your friends would do, but at least you could get things off your chest and have some peace. Hopefully, tho you can rebuild your friendships ~Mystrose

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