Is it wrong to think this?

Maybe I’ll get lucky and I wont wake up in the morning.

1 Like

Ive had those similar thoughts in the past.

Could you go deeper into what’s going on? You can share as much or as little as you want here.

I’ve had thoughts like that before in the past I know how you feel.

I exist to serve my parents. I’m in my 30s and i have a career, but I’m still under the thumb of my parents. My mom. She’s my best friend. But she completely messed me up. I’ve never even been kissed. No one wants me. I have to do things for my parents. They depend on me . I want to run away. Not living. I’m existing. I just want to feel appreciated. I want someone to take care of me for a change. I don’t want to be here.

Basically. There’s not really a reason for me to be alive. I’m in the way. I exist only to make other’s lives easier. They say suicide is a selfish thing. Well, I guess so. Finally I’d be able to do something for me.
I have no one. When my parents are gone, my existence will cease to matter. While they are here, I am here to serve. See? Not really my life anyway. So, to be free of it all would be the most me-centered thing I’ve ever done. I’d be free of the guilt and the shame and the loneliness. I’d be free.

Let me see if I got this right and if I don’t let me know. But basically, there’s not really a reason for you to be alive. You exist only to make other’s lives easier. They say suicide is a selfish thing. And you guess so. But you think you would finally be doing something for yourself. You have no one. When your parents are gone, your existence will cease to matter. While they are here, you are here to serve. It’s not really your life anyway. So, to be free of it all would be the most you-centered thing you’ve ever done. You would be free of the guilt and the shame and the loneliness. You would be free.

Did I get that right?