Is my friend using me

I feel like my college friend I met online is using me. She usually only texts me when she needs help with an assignment but on weekends she goes MIA bc she says she has work, and then on winter break she went MIA almost the whole break bc she said she had winter class, and now that the semester is over shes currently having an internship but she hasn’t texted me. I mean she did but I find it strange how she ghosted me as soon as I asked her when she would like to meet up in person (we were planning on it b4) and she hasnt responded ever since. But she posted on her sc a couple times of her hanging out with her friends. I don’t mean to sound crazy but what do you think?

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it sounds like she is, i would confront her about it.

I already did b4 but she keeps saying how she’s just busy and all her friends know that she rarely texts bc of that she made it sound genuine

Hey @grigorievkatya,

Thank you so much for reaching out and being here. The situation you’re in is tough for sure. It sucks when you try to seek and create a connection with someone, but they don’t seem to be responsive on their end.

I’d say a lot could happen on her end that you might not be aware of, but, still it seems that she’s trying to avoid you somehow. Unfortunately, you can’t force her to talk if she’s not willing to. But the question remains: do you feel like this relationship is worth your time and your patience, or not? There is no right or wrong answer, by the way. You can’t control your friends behavior or willingness to connect with you, but you can definitely decide what you want in a friendship, and see if this one responds to it. In my humble opinion, there has to be a minimum of reciprocity in a friendship, and that doesn’t seem to be the case in this situation. :frowning:

I hope you know that, in any case, none of this defines you or your worth. I know you didn’t mention any of this, but sometimes the expectations we have about someone can lead to disappointment, and also to ask ourselves if we are worthy to be loved or not. So, know that you are loved, always. You also deserve to be shown that you are loved by the people you share your life with. :hrtlegolove:

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From: kit_snicket (Twitch)

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Your time and feelings are valuable

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From: jezliee (Twitch)

your feelings of being used are totally valid. it’s possible your friend is getting everything out of the friendship that they need, but you want a different kind of friendship. from your definition of friendship, you might be getting used by them. but it’s important to respect that they might not have ill intentions. they might just simply want a different kind of friendship with you, and it’s ok if you feel like you need to set different boundries with her.

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From: andrea_jean (Twitch)

I would like to thank yo for opening up. Your experiences are valid and I would say you are not crazy. I would also suggest maybe bring it up to her and see what happens. Love you much.

@grigorievkatya I am so sorry that your friend isnt being the best of a friend. I want you to know that you are not alone in this. It is extremely hard to watch as someone you are supposedly friends with is claiming things they need to do but yet on socials they are showing signs they are hanging out with someone. I am a person who has had this happen. I have very much been ghosted and felt alone. I would like you to know that you are not alone and that this is a battle many have been through. I am here to say that if someone isnt excited to talk to you and or even try to meet you than is that a friend. What would you define friendship? Like to me it sounds like this is not a friendship and it sounds more like this person just wants you to help them and to be only this person to talk too but in reality you arent just good enough for that. You deserve more than that. I would be very honest with this friend and tell her hey I am starting to feel as if you dont respond unless you need the support because it is starting to has me asking what am I to you. I know that wont be easy but sometimes we just need that clarification of what that person is seeing as a friendship and perhaps they dont even know what they are doing or how they are making you feel. Perhaps asking even the simple hey can I ask what is their intentions with this relationship with them. Like talk to them about it. I like seeing life and friendship with others as a two way street if the cars are not going on each side than you are each sharing each enjoying each other. But when stuff is not going well like a one way street that person or that car is only going that same direction. I would consider the idea of maybe seeing if they would be willing to facetime or such because sometimes internet friendship can be confusing because you cant hear the persons voice. So maybe try some steps to see if that is truly what is going on.

Hold fast we are here for you

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From: izza_wiza (Twitch)

Thank you for opening up, you are not crazy at all and completely valid in your feelings. If you care about this person and the friendship, you may want to see if you can open up a discussion with the other person about how you feel and set your expectations and boundaries. At the very least, you get your feelings out there and may even strengthen the friendship by opening up. Much love :heartpulse:

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Thanks for replying, I really appreciate you taking your time to post on here to and tell us what’s going on. you are worthy of all the positive things that happen in your life. i think sometimes we need to look over the situation at hand and look at the friends we have and evaluate what they do for you. You definitely are doing that now and that’s such a strong thing to do. It’s so hard to know what to do. It’s hard. I have had friends like that. Being in college can be so hard! When things get going, you end up getting stuck at school. But a road should be two way. Have you ever considered journaling and writing down some of your different wants and needs from a friend and what that entails? Which friends meet those needs? sometimes you need to sit down and then write down what are the things going on with them. And then try to politely talk to them and try to talk to them about what’s going on. if they open up and see your side, then it is something to work on. If it dosen’t seem to be responsive, maybe there is a reason to evaluate which friends are closer physically and see how they act. there is so much difference in distance. but opening up and talking about what you want in a good friendship/relationship will change the dynamic positively but it will end up building a friendship or show what parts may not work at this point where you need to work and reevaluate where the person stands in your life. you are loved, you matter, you are cared for greatly!

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Hey @grigorievkatya , Dan and Casey covered your topic on Heart Support’s Twitch stream! Here’s the live video response:

Hold Fast

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Hey friend @grigorievkatya, I think it’s important that you communicate with this friend how you feel. In friendship there’s a certain exchange of time and attention from each person that should happen and if you don’t have the balance it can get super unfair. If she ghosts you when she doesn’t need something from you tell her how you feel when she’s actively talking to you. I know it can be hard to open up like that to people and possibly call them out on their behavior but I 100% believe in you.

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