My question is if there is a disorder or something that correlates to my “symptoms”. Sometimes I am about to walk up to a close friend, and I’ll feel sick. I instantly don’t want to talk to them. Another friend chews with their mouth open. I will get really like closed up; they’ll ask if I am okay. I’ll just nod because I would feel like an awful human if I told her. Sometimes I say things I didn’t think people would take the wrong way, but they do. Or I’ll say something that sounds so clear in my head, but people cannot comprehend what I am trying to say. Ordering a drink or meal makes me very nervous. If I made a mistake while ordering or talking to someone, I will just shut down and try to find the easiest way to get out of my situation.
My biggest thing is I don’t feel normal. I will look around, and I can tell I am not the same. I know people judge me, but blending in makes me feel numb. I will say something, and people will look at me like am insane.
If anyone knows what these things correlate to, please tell me. Thank you and have a great day.
No one is the same. It’s one of the hardest things to reconcile when we’re young. Everyone feels “different.” Some people hide the anxiety related to that feeling better than others. I believe that the discomfort related to being different is so common that it may as well be considered part of a developmental phase, such as crossing over the anxiety barrier on the first day of school.
The look can actually be interpreted in several ways, but I think most often it’s because they don’t understand your perception, not that they think you’re insane. Interestingly, a person with a shy demeanor can enter a group and say something, and they’ll receive bemused looks from those around them. If a person with an air of confidence comes in and says the same thing, those around are more likely to nod in agreement. In this hypothetical situation, the group fails to understand either the shy person or the one who’s more confident, but are more likely to be embarrassed to admit they don’t understand what the confident person is saying, hence they pretend to understand.
That’s a bit of digression, but the main point is, when others look at you in a way that you can interpret as they are seeing you as insane, it’s VERY likely that you’re seeing or understanding some aspect of reality they can’t.
Have you noticed that when you’re in a good mood, it seems like those around you are also in a better mood and maybe even more friendly and polite? There are a couple of reasons that happens. The first is that even if you don’t say anything, your expression, energy and body language really does open the other person to perceive/expect a more positive interaction with you. It’s not something that registers on a conscious level, but it’s there just the same. The second thing is, because of your light mood, you are more likely to interpret their words and actions in a more positive light.
For example, you ask a question and you’re in a good mood. The other person answers carefully and clearly. You’re probably going to walk away thinking that person was pleasant and accommodating. Now, say you’re in a bad mood, you ask the question and the other person answers in exactly the same way. You’re more likely to think of that person’s response as condescending or even sullen.
That phenomena is often referred to as “projection” of your feelings onto others.
With all that said, it seems to me that your discomfort around others is anxiety based, and fear of not being accepted by others is making you feel that you’re really not being accepted. That leads to negative expectations from others, which in turn makes them less comfortable around you.
The bottom line is, I don’t think anything’s wrong with you that can’t be resolved with counseling. The issues you are dealing with are very common, even among those who appear to be “normal.” I think your main issue is anxiety and a need for more confidence.
Don’t put off seeking help. The longer you wait, the longer you’re unhappy.
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. It took courage. Keep in touch. Let us know how you’re doing.
It sounds to me like social anxiety. I’m not trying to dismiss it. Social anxiety is a catch-all characterization of discomfort around people. Like most other things, it occurs on a spectrum, and it sounds like yours is severe. I know the sick feeling–I experience it when I drive on a college campus. That’s my anxiety telling me to run. As for your friend chewing with their mouth open, I think a lot of us can sympathize with that. You don’t want to be confrontational, offend them, or suggest that they’re annoying you. Most of us would be uncomfortable with that, but it sounds like you’re more so. Ordering a drink or a meal means talking to a stranger, and opening up the fear that they’ll judge you based on what you order. Shutting down when you misspeak is you trying to avoid the embarrassment of making a mistake and getting judged, which would multiply if you corrected yourself.
Like Wings said, none of us are normal. I understand what you mean, I’ve felt it too, but I also know for a fact that people are too preoccupied with themselves to spend much energy on others. Think about it: when’s the last time you looked at someone and judged them thoroughly? We see people and make snap judgments, it’s an evolutionary survival mechanism, but then when we determine they are neither a friend nor a threat we go about our business. Even if people did judge you, what difference does it make? That just means they don’t have anything better to do with their time, and if they’re not saying things to your face then it shouldn’t make a difference.
Again, I’m not trying to dismiss your experience. I’m making observations about the world I see around me, supplemented by stuff I’ve read. I know the feelings of social anxiety though, and I also know my feelings are not as strong as yours. Strong feelings feel a lot more real than facts, and me telling you everything is okay won’t change that. If it was that simple, I wouldn’t have social anxiety myself. I just want you to know that the world is not out to get you. Feeling scared is understandable, but try to remember that you’re not in danger everywhere you go. Think of it like being in a haunted house, screaming at the ghosts “You’re not real!” They sure look and sound real, and they sure make you feel scared; but if you can shout the truth through your fears, your fears won’t consume you.
I’d suggest bringing it up with a therapist. I think your social anxiety is beyond just holding your breath and trying to smile. There’s a lot to untangle there. Know that you’re not crazy, you’re not less than, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Hold fast 
From: ManekiNeko
thank you so much for your post! While it’s hard to feel like you almost don’t feel quite “normal” I think everyone has moments of not feeling normal. I know I blurt things out sometimes. Sometimes people also stare at me like I just came out with something so out of the blue, but it made sense in my head. I tend to laugh and embrace it. Some people now find it endearing. You are uniquely you and that is something beautiful! I’ve had to reign in a little bit of what I say or blurt out in the context of setting like at work, and it does take some practice to do that, but learning to enjoy being who you are is something that can be freeing. I hope you feel embraced by this community as I have!
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, we all have our own ways of coping with anxiety and all the quirks that come with it. They do not make you any less normal (whatever normal is) than anyone else, I myself can completely relate to a lot of what you are saying. Try not to worry about how you are seen by others, I am sure you are an awesome person and you are loved by many. Just be you. you are enough. Love Lisa. x
Feeling alone, even when not alone is something I can relate too very strongly. Especially when it comes to deep rooted anxiety.
It can be a very hard thing for me to get out of my head. Even when sitting here writing a response. I am over thinking everything I am writing you. Hoping I don’t say the wrong thing.
Regardless of what symptoms you may, or may not be feeling.
I found that for me personally, to get to the root of my Mental Health took quite a bit of work with my health professionals in my life. It took a bit to find the ones that were right for me, but once I did it made a huge difference in me being able to identify what it was I was experiencing, and how to attack it in a way that works for me.
Hi Ewatson, welcome to HeartSupport.
Anxiety presents in many different ways, and I can understand why some of these may feel like medical symptoms; learning to recognise this is part of the process. You will learn how to process these feelings by working with somebody, such as a counsellor or therapist.
There is no such thing as a normal or average person; nobody is the same as anybody else. As you look around the room feeling different, you are probably one of many people doing the same; it is natural to question your place in the world. How people see you is probably very different from how you see yourself. I am sure that you are not being judged.
I hope you can learn to recognise and deal with your anxiety, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
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