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Is this 2017 all over again?

So i am supposed to be working on my college essay right now all i can do is cry . Not over the essay though . This just seems so dang stupid because im about to be 20 ( in like 1-2 days) and i am being put into a spot where my emotions are messing with me like it did when i was younger.
So i am on this family trip for thanksgiving i decided to go because in the past ive been so busy i have had to say no. Halfway here i didnt have a great night due to my dads girlfriend because she thinks she knows whats best. I dont mean to sound like a jerk by the comment i made about her but , im done being treated like im some child of hers when i am practically an adult. So many times due to her ive broken down or i have done unhealthy stuff (last time ive done unhealthy stuff was 2017).
Sometimes i just wish i dont wake up , i will probablybe happy dead anyways. I just feel like im always getting hurt, and even picked on . i am done feeling this way . i am done with feeling broken. im just done i dont want to feel like a burden to anyone here or irl. why does this shit have to bite me in the butt, i dont know what to do anymore.

Hey hun <3 First off… it’s ok to sit and cry sometimes… even when it doesn’t seem logical. Even when you’re 20, 30, 50, however old! It’s ok to be and feel broken sometimes. It doesn’t make you a burden, it makes you human. As long as we start to piece ourselves back together and move forward.

It seems like your relationship with your dad’s girlfriend might be a bit complicated. It’s okay to respect her from a distance if you need to not put yourself in a situation where you feel tore down or belittled. Or maybe find a gentle way to talk to her or your dad about how it’s making you feel. Either way… I’m proud of you for going on the family trip! And for kicking butt in school! Family is complicated and school is heckin hard!

Stay strong. You’ve got this.

thanks @amandaruthart communication isnt the easiest for me to be able to go to them.

Nobody knows what’s best for you other than yourself, but, sometimes others think they do, and they do it because they care.

My dad is dating someone new and I’m about the same age as you, I can’t stand her sometimes but one day my dad said that she doesn’t know what to do to help me like her and that she is trying her best to help me realize that she cares. At the end of the day, I dont, but i did realize that in her own way, she wants me safe. But she’s doing it in her own way, and I needed to realize she’s trying.

All I’m saying is, sometimes people say the wrong thing, but the message might mean the right thing, we just didn’t know how to listen

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