Just when I thought things could only get better. 2 months of my mental health slowly but surely got better. And it plummeted down to square two, After two frickin months, trying so hard to study and make my parents happy with me, But while I was doing that I unconsciously reset my mental health. It got so great and then got so bad in just one day. I’m just feeling suicidal at this point, too suicidal. At this point, I only have 3 choices. 1: Start trying to improve myself, which would be easily the most painful option.
2: Try get a therapist and tell my parents about my mental health problems. 3: Commit suicide. Currently a last resort option, but its starting to turn into something I should do.
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Hey @Inferno,
The idea of suicide is often there when we feel stuck or when we feel like the options in front of us are just too much and out of reach. It makes sense that, right now, while feeling kind of disappointed for feeling bad again, and being afraid of disappointing your parents too, you’d struggle with suicidal ideation. However, ending your life is not an option. There other things to try in this life and in this reality. Suicide only deletes the possibility to find solutions and actually try.
For two months, you’ve been trying and it’s been a success. However, mental health is a journey made of ups and downs, and the times when we feel like falling down are quite painful. It’s especially during those times that we need to remind ourselves why we fight. For two months you’ve been improving - what were your motivations behind it? Name it. Write them down if needed. But make sure to keep those reasons with you, because they are fueling your heart in a good way, one that pushes you towards growth.
You are not failing. Not yourself, not your parents, not us here or any person you care about. We can’t be okay all the time. Though when we don’t, we need to rely on a solid support system and make sure we don’t stay alone with our struggles. I know firsthand how suicidal ideation can isolate us with plenty of lies like: I can’t talk about it, it won’t get better, I’m stuck, I’m so weak, I’m a burden… None of them are true.
I would like to encourage you to consider the second option you mentioned, which would be naturally mixed with your first one. But not in an overwhelmingly stressful way that would put an insane amount of pressure on your shoulders. One that would be made of love instead, of grace and patience. Healing and growing away from our personal demons is not a performance, and having low times is not the sign of a personal defect. We are, ultimately, only humans in a pretty messy world, trying to do our best.
You’ve been doing something strong by reaching out here. I want to encourage you to reach out to your parents as well about how you feel and your need to see a therapist. These are good steps to follow, friend. Trying is what matters when we feel hopeless. There’s always solutions out there, even if it’s hard to see it while we are in pain.
Hold Fast. 
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Thank you. I’ll try the second option, I’ll try doing what you tell me.
In the meantime
I’ll hold fast
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