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It Happened - Relapse

It happened… I RELAPSED into my self harm (self hitting). Two and a half years approximately clean until today. I feel ASHAMED about what I’ve done, but I couldnt help it. Ive cried in my bathroom several times today because of what happened. I’m BOMBARDED by so many fleeting thoughts. I just want it to STOP…

I cant find the words to explain anything right now, but once I do (if I do), ill go more into detail about my situation.

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Hey buddy, relapse is hard, but im not ashamed of you and you shouldn’t be either. I think the hardest thing in recovery is being gracious with ourselves. And the truth is we will be recovering form things all our lives and love and forgiveness for ourselves is the most important. I understand the overwhelming sense of frustration. its hard to see life clearly in those moments. i love you man and will be here to help support you and love you. We are gonna fall from time to time, but together we can help pick each other up. I love who you are and seeing you in the different twitch communities makes me really happy. love you bro.

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Hey man,

I’m so sorry.

I just want to say dude you are so fricken strong. You made it a long time, and now it’s time to take the next step up. I believe in you.

I feel less alone knowing that I am not the only one who copes in this way, in how you self injured.

We are here for you no matter what. This is not restarting. You have learned and gained so much along the way. This is just a bump in the road. You got this Tom, I know you do.

Love you man.

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Hey @TomTwitch91,

I’m sorry you relapsed. I also understand why you might feel disappointed. But relapse can happen on a recovery journey and there’s no need to blame yourself. No reasons to be ashamed as well. You’re not a failure because of that. And man… 2 years and a half? That’s freaking awesome. You reached that. It is something you achieved. A relapse doesn’t erase any of this. Not now, not ever. You’ve build yourself some new strengths during all of this time and it will definitely help you to keep going on. It is yours entirely and won’t ever disappear. You are strong friend, and you’re loved.

Hold fast. :heart:

Thank you guys SO MUCH for your responses! Right now, Im in what feels like a roller coaster of emotions since the relapse, but im trying to hold on.

From: supersunnybunneh

There is NO shame in relapse. You are still here, still trying, and you are loved no matter what.

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Tom, I’m sorry for whatever made you think that was the only way to find some relief. For whatever it’s worth, I understand how powerful those emotions can be because I do have experience with hitting myself. I’m sorry you broke a 2 year streak, but think about the strength it took you to make it that far man. You should be proud of that, I’m proud of you for it. Certainly I could never see you any less because of it. I know you’re struggle seems heavy right now, but trust me it has nothing to do with your worth man.

Hold fast dude, love you.

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@TomTwitch91

Here is the discussion from my stream today. I hope it encourages you:

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@TomTwitch91
Hey man, just checking in. How are you doing?

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