It hurts. I can't even feel colors now

I am a burden. I just used up all of my mom’s car battery since I passed out with the car on and didn’t wake up until my mom came 4 hours later. She just kept calling me a “fucking genius” and I cried. I really want to go back to cutting. I wanted to just jump off the side of the parking garage we were in (on the 5th floor) but I didn’t want to waste any more of my mom’s money. Even if I really want to fucking kill myself. Which just leads me to want to cut myself more. I just left off the thought as I just want to cut myself after I shower.

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You’re not a burden. You’re a beautiful human being. I’m here for you. I know living is difficult, but you deserve to be here.

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I’m weak, I don’t deserve to be living. And my mom has expressed many times of how much of a burden I am on her for being so high maintenance. She hardly has the money to even pay for her house bills and I’m just here messing it all up with expressing my suicidal thoughts. I should’ve never even expressed that I was depressed. I should’ve just made sure the attempt worked the first time.

But thank you for replying. I just can’t take it all right now.