“It’ll get better”

[Scarlette_Elle]

I’m fucking tired of hearing this. It’s been 2 years. Not getting any better. It slowly went from an unhealthy relationship with food from living with my dad, to abuse from my sister, to suicide attempt #1. How do you think it’s getting better? It never will, only I know what I go through because I’m going through it.
“Your so privileged. You’d never survive my childhood.”
Watch me name three reasons your more privileged than me. You can get married anywhere you want. I can’t. Your not treated like your diseased for loving who you love. Your not told to get over it because it was then and this is now and that your identity is invalid because your young.
You don’t understand, so stop trying to act like it.

[Micro]

Hey @Scarlette_Elle,

I hear you. When people tell that kind of thing, it’s indeed very frustrating, and even unfair in some aspects. Being tired of hearing that kind of thing is perfectly understandable.

When people say “it will get better”, they don’t mean to invalidate how you feel though. It generally comes from a good intention, a wish to be there and reassure the person who’s struggling. But hearing this can really hurt when, on your end, you feel tired and hopeless. As you said, it’s been a long time that struggles are piling up on your end, so it’s discouraging at times. And when we feel like hitting rock bottom, we need people to listen and validate our feelings before anything else. Finding solutions, building hope, having perspectives for the future comes after, at a different time.

Sometimes people have good intentions but they also absolutely want to help and see us feeling better immediately, because they can’t handle seeing our pain. Unfortunately, this kind of motivation can put more pressure on the shoulders of the person who’s hurting. And when supportive people confuse their own needs/motivations with the ones of the person in front of them, it can create some conflicts. There’s a time and a space for everything, and saying hopeful sentences is not always comforting for someone. Overall, it’s mostly a matter of communication and understanding the people around us.

However, when people tell you this:

“Your so privileged. You’d never survive my childhood.”

That’s totally different, in my humble opinion. No one should compare one’s struggle to others. People’s experiences are not made to be compared, but to be understood through the eyes of the ones who live them. It doesn’t matter what others’ childhood was when you are sharing about yours. It’s about you, not others. Maybe the person who told you that didn’t see how it could be hurtful, and maybe they are themselves too stuck in their own struggles to sympathize with yours. But in any case, when someone makes that kind of comparison, you can just ignore it. It’s not worth your time and your energy, just because hurt and pain are not a competition. There’s no measuring scale for someone’s pain.

I don’t know who told you those things, but I hope that you’ll find a way to interact together in a different way, one that would be healing for both of you. This person may not be aware of the impact of their words, and again maybe in some aspects it was filled with good intentions. Overall it seems that this person is just not in a position that would make them a good listener right now. On your end, once you acknowledge who’s able to listen or not, you can decide where you’ll share your struggles or not, and how. Some friends and family members are loving and caring, but they can’t be a pillar of support to us, and that’s okay. Those are just a different type of relationship.

Take care, Scarlette. Your struggles are real. Your voice is important. Your frustration is understood. Don’t let it discourage you from reaching out in the future. There are people out there and right here, willing to listen without judging, and who can understand you without comparing their pain to yours. Finding those people is worth it. You deserve to be supported as you need.

[cs15]

Hey friend, I too understand how frustrating the words “it will get better” can be. I would first like to say im sorry if others have compared their lives to yours. There is a saying " someone drowning in 10 feet water is just as dead as someone drowning in 20 feet" Forgive me if I messed up the quote a bit but you get the point lol… anyway, regardless of your life compared to others, your struggles are real for you and thats what matters. No matter what you are going through, the pain you feel is 100% valid. In my life I am dealing with lots of uncertainty & for several years I have felt I was in a rut. I wouldnt say I am ’ happier’ but friend sometimes it takes that pain to push us to grow. It can take pouring rain to water the seeds in our life. One day you will look back and think the pain you endured was worth it. Hang in there, you arent alone in this battle.