I’m so exhausted. Everytime it seems like my life is looking up, it all comes crashing down in the blink of an eye. I’ve been struggling with a mental health crisis for six months now and just when I thought it was getting better, I get slapped with some other nonsense that knocks me back seven spaces. I can’t afford my medications for my OCD and I can’t afford therapy, but I can’t work until I get on meds or go through therapy because I can’t deal with my mental health AND dealing with employment. I’m depressed every day. I rarely do anything except sit in my bed and scroll through the same three websites. I have no zest for life, no plan, nothing. I’m trapped. I can’t get a leg up on anything and it’s just getting worse and worse and worse. I can’t sleep, I don’t eat, I don’t even feel alive half the time. I’m just so beyond tired and I can’t keep up with all the new bullshit that gets thrown my way. I can’t keep doing this.
Hey friend, these are things that I can relate to on so many levels. 3 years ago I found myself in the same exact position that you are in. My mental health had dropped so low that I was unable to function. Most days showering, getting out of bed, getting dressed or eating felt like an unachievable task. I had a hard time being social and didn’t have much will to live. I merely existed. I wasn’t living.
It’s a hard place to be in. For a while I had medication and therapy to help me come out of that, then after a divorce I lost my insurance, so I quickly slipped back into how you are feeling now.
Friend I know how hard it can be. Can I offer you some resources?
I don’t know if you are in our discord: https://discord.gg/us7ftC but it’s a good place to join where you can hang with our community. We have a general chat to talk and hang and a “real talk” channel where you can talk and share your heart as you can hear. We may not always be able to resolve what is going on but we have a lot of people in our community that are full of love and ready to share it.
There are a few resources available for people to use: https://heartsupport.com/resources/ Like books on depression, self harm etc - You should look into the many books we have and see if maybe these could be benefits to you. I’ve been working through Dwarf Planet which is a book and guide through depression and it has been really good for self reflecting and connecting to the things I’m struggling through.
There is also a 7 day free trial for online counseling that you could take advantage of through BetterHelp. Where you can text, voice text or schedule a call with a therapist that is assigned to you. I used this last year. It was nice. https://www.betterhelp.com/heartsupport
Friend, I’m sorry that you are battling so many challenges right now. I hate it for you because I know too well what it’s like to be in that spot and how hard it is to function. I just want you to know that you have someone that cares and are among friends. I truly hope that you are able to find something that brings you peace and comfort, strength and healing. You matter. And while we can’t make it all go away, here you Supported and cared for.
Sending you love friend