It never ends..does it?

HeartSupport Support
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1

09/30/24

Fm and her some of her children have been fueding and I’m caught in the middle as always.

Her sons are trying to revoke and restrict her ability to make decisions about herself and her own life. Despite me taking care of her living with her, they want her to have a nurse or someone else coming 3 or more times a week. She has expressed numerous times to them that she doesn’t want this and doesn’t want this for her life.

That it would cause her a great dear of stress and would remove the peace, peaceful environment and atmosphere she feels she already has. It would strip away her comfort and make her uneasy.

She reminds them that she is 92 years old, probably doesn’t have much longer to live, and just wants things to stay as is.

All but one son is ignoring her wishes and keeps telling she and I that she doesn’t have a choice and that it’s happening if her doctors see fit for it. They’ve even been thinking about having one of her grandchildren that she has no relationship with and the grandchild haven’t called, nor haven’t visited on her own accord in about 15 years. The last time this grandchild has come was in the summer time, only with her father, sister and sister’s 3 children for a short while … because their father is always trying to force and pressure them into a relationship and caring about fm.

Which they are snobby due to their mother pursuing and dating men who are financially able to spoil and pamper them all …all their lives, also their other late grandmother had the financial means to do so …and look down upon fm, I, their father, and anyone else they feel is beneath them.

So this grandchild is in her 20’s and wouldn’t do anything but be on her phone all day if she came…there wouldn’t be anything for her to do, and there wouldn’t be much interaction between us all.

Only one son is relentlessly advocating for her and trying to get the others to respect their mother’s wishes. The other 3 are still rallying together and in opposition… and they’re mad and aren’t speaking much to their mother…one son agreed to bring her fruit 4 days ago still hasn’t… all of her sons are at odds with each other. .

The 3 sons in defiance are mad and angry at me because when asked, I told them that their mother didn’t want these things to happen, and her wishes should be respected.

They’ve even been trying to uproot her from the comfort of her hospital and doctors that she feels comfortable with and change everything because they feel dissatisfied with the care she receives. Which I am not in understanding, because the quality of care is good and their mother is satisfied.

They’ve been trying to do this without her knowledge. They’ve been conspiring and planning with each other to try and convince her that there’s understaffing and a shortage of doctor’s there.

They illogical reasoning for being in defiance against their mother that they’ve explained to me … and they’ve been trying to force me to accept is that they’re trying to make it so she doesn’t need to visit the hospital often. That if someone comes and checks her vitals that somehow she wouldn’t get sick and have to call them to take her to the hospital.

I don’t understand why try to deter a person from visiting the hospital if they really feel it’s an emergency and they’re feeling ill. She is the only one who has her body and knows how she feels…not anyone else. I have a very tough time encouraging her to go to the hospital when she isn’t feeling well.

The problem is that she tends to believe others when they give her advice about her health and she tends to ignore how she’s feeling because so and so told her it’s nothing and that it shouldn’t happen. She likes to tell me her doctor or sons have said her pain and discomfort is normal and expected and since they have said this that they know what they’re talking about and she’s going to believe them over me. Which poses a problem if there were someone checking in on her . They could tell her anything and she wouldn’t listen to me. They could tell her to stop taking her meds and completely change her med schedule and she’ll disregard me.

She already told me that she wouldn’t listen to me…she hasn’t given me much creditability about anything since I’ve been living with her.

I always tell her to listen to her body and own intuition. Regardless of what anyone saids…trust herself. She doesn’t believe me nor believe that she’s the one who has agency over her body. She’ll tell me that she’s not going to listen to me, and that she isn’t going often …which I respect … it’s just that she’ll constantly complain all day about being in pain and intentionally suffer.

I am always in a tight stressful spot, of indecisiveness. I would love to respect her wishes and to leave her be…and I would do that if she had an order written up and informed family and doctors that she doesn’t want to go to the hospital anymore. I need her to inform others of this. I would also want her to stop expressing her pain and discomfort to me if she doesn’t intend on going.

It upsets me a lot to hear of her pain constantly, and she refuses to call anyone.

She is the same way about everything. She’ll not enjoy the food given to her, complain to me about it, refuses my offer to fix another meal for her, continues to complain and sulk about it but forces herself to eat it.

Today she argued with me about not wearing her medical alarm bracelet until I speak to the doctor to see if she still can wear it. Due to her health issues and poor circulation they may not want her to wear it. She told me that she isnt going to wait and will put it on anyway.

I stress the importance of her waiting an half hour to an hour after taking medication before she exercises because meds can sometimes make a person very dizzy…she always tell me that she isn’t going to wait that long and she never use to wait years ago before… She use to before in the beginning, after arguing with me, being abusive and refusing …I gave up trying to reason with her.

Last week I told her she must refrigerate her food as it mustn’t be left out long…she refused to let me put her leftover meal in the refrigerator, kept it at room temperature several hours before eating it, and she had an upset stomach afterwards.

She told me that I’m foolish, stupid, and wasn’t “raised” properly because I told her that everything allegedly will perish in its own due time and it’s nothing to be done about it… except for trying to come to some sort of acceptance about it and come to some terms with it …if possible…in order to possibly “enjoy” life…or some moments…

She is afraid to die, but doesn’t enjoy her life …

So she told me that I shouldn’t express these things to her nor anyone else …

Which telling a person to remain silent and don’t express themselves because it will cause others discomfort and possible unhappiness is very abusive, dismissive, damaging and invalidating.

She preaches to me about how she basically feels I should be a scarifical lamb and out myself up for “slaughter” for everyone with whatever I say or do.

She tells me that about whatever I say…or do. I’ve never been what any of them want and expect of me and they don’t like it. Fm is always disappointed in and angry at me.

When I disagree, try to express myself or don’t do as she wants, she’ll tell me that I’m selfish, that I don’t care about anyone or anything, that I have no feelings, that she might as well live by herself because I don’t do what she wants, when she wants it, that I am here to help her out. .etc … If she’s really upset, and she disagrees with me she’ll tell me that she can see why no one wants to be bothered with me, that’s why I haven’t a husband or friends, that’s why my bio family wants nothing to do with me because I don’t listen (she equates listening as doing what she saids and agreeing with her about everything)

She said if I had people in my life they would harm or terminate me.

They all have been pressuring and bullying me to take on the responsibility and role of being her legal caregiver because her son no longer wants to do it. I told them I will be unable to handle the logistics, paperwork, phone calls, interaction and dealings with people…etc…they don’t like that and are trying to guilt me by saying I must not love their mom because I won’t do anything for her…etc …

I told them that I wouldn’t take over that responsibility…but I feel like they are going behind my back and signing me up anyways…then probably will threaten me again . Fm son called today and asked her my last name .like he needed it to complete something. If they sign me up, I will just find a way to remove myself from it. I don’t see how they could do that without my signature.

They want her to relocate her health services to a hospital that’s an hour away…they have a personal problem and issues with taking her to her hospital 15 minutes away …so I know an hour or more drive would upset them more.

They should have been spending this time, effort, and energy to ensure that their mother came home to a repaired house after being inpatient for two weeks being discharged and coming home to see that her windows still aren’t repaired. They’ve been passing the Buick and promising to fix them since June. I don’t know what their entire relationship with their mother has been like their lives, but perhaps it wasn’t the best. Perhaps they were mistreated like I am by her… perhaps whatever damage that was inflicted on them, perhaps is manifesting in the way that they treat her currently.

I understand all of them are in preputial states of mourning, concern, and fear of losing her, perhaps exasperating their obsession and control issues.

Allegedly no one has control over mortality, and no one can grant immortality… whatever will be will be in life…

This reminds me of when my doctor told me that due to my health problems I couldn’t get a certain vaccination…fm and her family tried to bully, threatened me by saying they were going to throw me out…her son’s told me that I should get the shot because of their mother perishes or get sick it would be all my fault and I wouldn’t want that on my conscious. Fm was saying that I must not really care and love her like she thought because I wouldn’t get the shot for her. .etc …meanwhile, her sons never got it themselves and was flaring around her and other people during the pandemic. Except for retrieving mail and parcels, I am homebound 24/7…I don’t even like being outside nor interacting with people. She never had anything to say about them not following her protocol…

But they let me stay as expected… because I am a free caregiver and company for their mom…they don’t want to be bothered with moving her into their homes and having to get and possibly cycle through caregivers. They wouldn’t want to have to keep checking and installing cameras to check up on their mom because of a stranger…soo many horror stories about a lot of caregivers

2

Tbc…

Part 2:

I’m the only one they trust, but yet they don’t care for me. They know that I’ll stay because I have no where else to go nor have any income and means to support myself… I’m sure if their mom passes before me, they’ll throw me out and disengage…there won’t be any use for me anymore…

In other areas of my life, I am still absolutely heartbroken and very devastated still about neighbor guy ghosting and disregarding and disposing me like garbage. I can’t shake him out of my system…and still care for him. It doesn’t help that we live in close proximity and I see him often.
It’s hard to get through that he doesn’t care and never did.

In other areas of my life, I am still absolutely heartbroken and very devastated still about neighbor guy ghosting and disregarding and disposing me like garbage. I can’t shake him out of my system…and still care very much for him. It doesn’t help that we live in close proximity and I see him often.
It’s hard to get through that he doesn’t care and never did.

Heartbroken still about the losses of my furries.
Very stressed out and exhausted with dealing with my fm, her family, her many doctors appointments since being discharged from the hospital, her constant refusal and stubbornness, possible dementia, her health, bargaining and dealing with her not wanting to take her medicine liquidfied or non on schedule… especially her last meds of the night at 10:30pm…she is constantly telling me that she had the luxury of not having to take it for many hours later at the hospital, I remind her that this isn’t the hospital and she doesn’t have that luxury and available staff 24/7 at her call…shes been trying to get me to leave it with her so she can take it at her leisure…which I can’t do that…i have to see and document…i think it’s very selfish and insensitive of her to do these things …it never occurs to her that maybe I’m ready for bed and is very exhausted. That I won’t be awake much longer…or maybe she’s aware and doesnt care.

She also refuses to use her walker or anything to perhaps improve her balance and possibly posture when walking exercising… she sometimes stumbles and loses her balance and I have to guide her places. She tells me her doctor wouldn’t want her using anything and would want her to walk on her own accord… I try to convince her that she needs to start using these things, as she has almost fallen a few times. That it’s okay to use mobility aids… she refuses, and even refuses to use her electric steps…so I am always in front of her going down the steps, and in the back of her as she goes up…ready to try and catch or absorb her fall.

She’s only like this with me. She never refuses insults and argues with anyone but me. She doesn’t question but follows all instructions from her family, doctor, and even strangers…

etc … Many other traumas and things…

Been having more panic, anxiety, and PTSD flare-ups than usual.

3

Ugh. It’s not at all on the same level, but I feel like I just went through something similar. We just lost my father-in-law and for a week he was just getting worse. My wife and I are the ones who live close, but every other family member had an opinion about what should be done. And every person was convinced that the people on the other side were idiots who would end up killing him. In the end I don’t think anything would have helped and that’s ok. He went peacefully. But the pain of being in the middle of people who it felt like weren’t listening to his wishes even though they truly believed they were doing the right thing hasn’t left. Like I said, it’s not the same thing you’re going through. But I do understand the pain of just wanting the person you care about to feel like they have some say in what happens in their own life and having so many voices drowning them out. I was lucky to be able to talk to people and tell them how I was feeling. Just being able to share made a difference. Hearing your story helped me to know that I’m not alone. Thank you for that.

4

Hey @Lavendercrandberry,
I am sad to hear about all the turmoil that you’ve been going through lately. I know that is a lot to carry on your shoulders and it can feel even heavier when you’re going through so much of it alone. I was a caretaker for 16 years and know how difficult it can be at times to care about someone and want the best for them, but those in the position to make the decisions for the person are quick to make them without all the information or aren’t present enough to see what goes on versus what they hear about. It sounds like that’s what you’re going through. In regards to her expressing pain and ailments to you but not wanting to go to the doctor, maybe she’s just looking for some emotional comfort and that’s the only way she knows how to seek it. As a caretaker and loved one, it can be very hard to not want to be a fixer and a healer in those situations. But sometimes the best way to fix and heal a person is to just provide them with a safe space to be heard and comforted. You mentioned your living situation and afraid of what will happen if she passes. Have you talked with her children about these thoughts? I know my fear of change can hinder me at times. I stayed in a not so great situation one time simply because I was so scared I wouldn’t be okay on my own. It turns out I loved being out on my own. I hope that maybe they’ll be more understanding and are able to help you in coming up with a plan. It sounds like everyone is experiencing a lot of stress in this situation. You talked a lot about how much you care for her and do things for her. What are some of the things you do to help cope and self-care? I hope in time some of these uncertainties, fears, and concerns can be eased for you.

5

Debating about whether continuing venting online. If I write and express too much, instead of just scrolling by and ignoring it, people comment that it’s too much to read.

That’s very dismissive and invalidating. . to a lot of people. That’s like telling someone IRL to shut up, that they’re talking too much, that what they say isn’t as important or not important at all. … perhaps saying stop complaining…etc…

I don’t feel there’s any need to say it unless malicious intent is included.

It causes people who a lot have been dismissed all their lives to retreat even further into themselves…to resent themselves even more …to self sabotage…to lose themselves further.

I have alot to get off of my soul with nowhere to turn to… it makes me even feel more of a burden and more badly about myself than I already do.

6

Fm, and her family are fueding still…pretty much about the same thing.

Fm doesn’t want anyone to come every single day for 4 hours and sit…its a disruption to the atmosphere and peace…especially her grandchild that she hasn’t a relationship with and hasn’t seen in many years. This grandchild hasn’t even called or anything and looks down upon her.

Fm just wants to relax and enjoy her remainder of days without the disruption of an added presence.

One of fm son’s from another state is trying to take control and dictate everything…the 3 here do the physical work of taking her to appointments any everything…which has the brothers feuding with one another…

They all have different opinions and are being disregarded by the one in another state.

He basically lied and duped fm and I.

We were lead to believe that was off the table and that only an inhome nurse would be coming monthly and checking vitals and that would be enough to remain in her insurance program and keep recieving benefits.

Fm didn’t want that…but agreed to that because she was under the impression that if she did this she wouldn’t have her grandchild here.

The nurse had a first visit today for a half an hour…

After he left, her son from out of town calls and tells her that she must have her grandchild over everyday for 4 hours and that she’s going to start on Monday. …well actually he said tomorrow but fm refused and he switched it.

That the grandchild would be also taking her to appointments from now on.

Completely blindsided and shocked us both.

Fm is upset and saddened, and even more depressed than usual.
Her son gave her this bs spiel and lines telling her this was the only way to remain in the program…and to basically suck it up…

Common sense and if you really cared and respected fm wishes would tell them to either drop the program, and/ or research one that doesn’t require that …or much often… still don’t know what other benefits and services fm receives from this program other than meals delivery service …in which she doesn’t eat the meals often…

They still claim they need a medical professional in here to properly diagnosis and determine when fm needs to go to emergency because he feels like she’s going there too much and want to try and deter her from going there as often.

I don’t know how he rationalized this to be logical and the best thing.

Every time she has been to emergency has been an emergency…She listened to her body, intuitions, with encouragement from me, and goes…eventually. The doctors also advise her to immediately visit the er if reoccurring, persistent, or worsening of symptoms occur…which she has.

Also, life isn’t controllable. Life Experience and experiences are unpredictable. No matter who’s here, won’t stop her from needing to go, becoming ill, nor passing.

I am well aware what constitutes as an emergency with her…no one has to be in the medical field to know when someone needs medical assistance…even if someone is unsure, no one has to be in the medical field to encourage and dial for emergency assistance.

It hasn’t been minor things…like he seems to think…and no in home Healthcare service has the ability to extensively test her. He seems to think that the Uti is minor, and could have been found and treated from home…that it could have have saved her an er visit.

She has a series of health problems…and also it is imperative that someone should be thoroughly examined…as there are trillion things it can be…

Uti aren’t minor…they’re serious and need there needs to be an examination…as there are various degrees, strains, and stages.

Fm has serious health problems and if any of them actually read her chart online they would know this, and they would know that the doctors feel like she has Graves disease, arent sure but suspect heart or lung failure…or both, that fm has small cysts and a kidney stone that allegedly is non obstructing, allegedly a small amount of fluid around her left lung, some form of dementia, seizure disorder, etc…

It’s never one thing or a minor thing.

Fm went to the er hospital twice this week because of bladder problems still…and was prescribed antibiotics…the hospital thinks it’s more serious because since then they have switched antibiotics 3 times because none prescribed aren’t working.

Also, she had a seizure before going.

Fm son’s have been arguing constantly and getting upset at how frequently she goes, and that when she needs to go to the hospital they have to drop what they’re doing to take her. …and they always argue about who’s taking her…always telling her to call another person. They make her feel like she’s a burden…

So, idk what to do. My mental, physical, emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, etc…are always in shambles with just the two of us here, but It is in a somewhat "controlled " environment…

With the new addition and adjustment of her grandchild everyday…I know that will only worsen things and I will end up hospitalized or “worse” frequently. When we heard they duped us today. When fm son told us on the phone…I had a full blown panic, anxiety, and ptsd flare-up and attack…I became very fidgety and couldn’t stop moving and picking at myself or surroundings…and I was rocking back and forth with chest pain…on the verge of crying.

I told them all that if this happens that I would have to leave as it would be too much for me to handle , and also my benefits would be removed from me… but they didn’t care, basically ignored me, tried to manipulate me, frighten, invalidate, intimidate, gaslight by saying that it’s a terrible world, that I’m too sheltered to realize it because I stay in the house all the time…that I don’t know about how terrible life and people are.

Which is really laughable, sad, and angers me that they don’t know that I’ve had too much experience and knowledge about these things and other harsh life realities and “,lessons” my entire life.

That I basically have it wonderful and comfy…that I wouldn’t survive by myself…that I don’t know what I’m doing…etc… that they would just have to let me go because they have to “protect” their family and their mom.

…that she’s getting older and they need to be in charge of her health in order for her to remain “alive.”

( Like she really has a great life now and would want to be alive many more years if possible. She definitely doesn’t and wouldn’t want to if there was a choice. Which there isn’t a choice or ability to control “death” for anyone)

Protecting her and her life should come in the form of respecting her choices and making sure her decisions for her life are followed through even though they may not agree with her choices.

It means taking all this energy, time, and effort and channeling in into finishing or getting the windows they’ve been promising her they would completely repair since June, as there is rain, wind, bugs, mold forming and coming in …probably contributing to some of fm illnesses and sickness.

She’s been begging them repeatedly to do it to no avail.

Her house is a mess because of it…and things are crowded and cluttered because that room was cleared.

Fm is embarrassed, ashamed, and saddened by the state of her house now…as she’s never kept it like this.

He then told me that I’m not giving them a choice, but an ultimatium…that I’m basically throwing a tantrum because I can’t get my way… that I’m basically implying that my needs and health outrank their mothers…which needs are more and in more urgency than mine.

Fm even joined in by basically telling me that she doesn’t understand why I can’t suck it up and stay just like she’s doing.

That she doesn’t like it but since her family is telling her this is what she needs , she’ll go along with it.

Protecting her life and her should also mean encouraging fm to set up an end of life plan and wishes with her hospital…so that she wouldn’t have to go to the hospital, nor be resuscitated, nor take medication, nor do anything pertaining to her health that she doesn’t want to do…without her family nor me suffering any legal consequences from not acting in her best interests medically.

I would love to just respect her wishes when she doesn’t want to take medication or go to the hospital…like the many times she doesn’t…but I can’t because I don’t want to experience being further incarcerated and trapped…especially away from where I reside…like I have experienced every day of my life.

Idk what to do. I haven’t any income, no where else to go, nobody… but if I don’t…I will become sicker…and spiral…

Even now as writing this, my chest hurts and feels tightened…

Maybe I’ll just do what I planned to do anyways if I am forced to outlive fm…

Find the nearest bridge or ocean, make a deal and plea with whatever is responsible for death to please just finally take me, and jump.

I’ve been soo very tired of life and existence since I was a toddler…or before… it never held and had any allure to me.

1 Like
7

FM has appointments quite frequently, her family is still feuding, not respecting her wishes, fm health continues to decline, FM sons still trying to dictate her life and still their mourning process have them with pompous, smug attitudes full of desperation and creatism… They are frightened, and fearful. Their grief has brought out the “mad” scientists in each of them.

They are calculating and working formatively. Each wanting vindication and reparations.

They want to find and erase the balances between life and death…and be called a “God”

They feel like they all have the schematics but lack the prototype and host needed to demonstrate immortality.

They lack awareness and are in denial about their inability to prolong FM life.

If they had the knowledge, regardless of what her wishes were, they would.

All these people coming and going in FM house is really really triggering me and all of my traumas and anxieties are flaring up. I am more on edge than ever before . I dread and despise each and everyday even more than I already do. They lied and duped us.

…and I’m a naturally quiet and reserved person…having to speak often, relay messages, answer questions, be FM voices and memory, be around people, be bothered by people, etc…is too much.

I really wish I could leave here, but can’t…wish I could be terminated but can’t because until it’s my specify time to “go” or to stay but transition into a different form…I’m stuck here…and it’s nothing to be done about it.

We’re all allegedly stuck here until it’s our time.

FM 2 sons … including the one out of town 2 days ago told us to take our time and the weekend to think about things …staged an ambush on us yesterday by deciding to come by and visit …aka demand answers.

I just wanted a quiet day. I just want to be settled. I just want to be still. I just want things robbed of me.and from me…

They stayed many hours…FM was very upset…they know she doesn’t enjoy nor want visitors nor company… especially not hours…and especially not people calling an hour before and saying they’ll be over within the hour. They know that she isn’t going to refuse and deny them…

She is always very vocal about her discomforts and dislikes to me, but seldom to others.

They came during a bad time and life for me …

I was trying to distance myself and was in the midst of putting away groceries and trying to clean downstairs and they kept calling me. .I have health problems too…

All this is too much.

Then FM always wants me to be around and calls me when these doctors and nurses come. I always have to answer the door because she can’t…I try and go back up but she doesn’t allow me to.

It’s all too much.

Today
When walking FM to the car so that she can go to her doctors appointment and trying to hurry back in…a lady around in her 70s and 80s stopped me and asked for directions because she was lost…then she wanted to chat…so I stayed and listened.

I soon recognized and realized that she had some for and degree of dementia, Alzheimer’s, or both. She displayed the same cognitive loss and confusion as my FM. She told me that since her family didn’t have nor make time out for her, nor were they there much, she had walked in the cold 15 blocks looking for a way to get to the supermarket because she ran out of food for her furry friends and they hadn’t eaten since the previous day… she said that she was very cold and would have dressed warmer if she had known.
She told me that she asked others in passing, but no one wanted to help or stop for her.

I informed her of her current location and the route to the supermarket. I felt like I needed to wait untill she boarded the trolley to leave…so I did.

She repeated these things serveral times. …and several times the details morphed. She told me she fed 2 flurries. I suggested that from now on she could have in home delivery. She told me that she would call the store as she didn’t know about apps nor had anyone to show her.

She told me she had 18 flurries to feed and care for and that her husband nor children and those residing in the household had any time for her because they worked a lot. She felt that they owed her this because of what she has done and sacrificed for them all.

Towards the end of the conversation, she realized she had come out without her money and that it was on her pillow at home.

She started crying and cursed her lost of memory and the bad day she was having. It made me saddened and uncomfortable.

I haven’t any income, so I couldn’t assist. Even if I did, IDK how I would assist, because it’s clear that she wouldn’t be able to properly be responsible for managing and carrying money, and there aren’t any nearby stores, and too many people.

So I reminded her to contact the supermarket for delivery. She agreed, thanked me for helping and the conversation and bidded farewell. I watched her from the corner walking until she had disappeared.

I felt very saddened and triggered by the encounter. I felt very conflicted and confused about the role and role I should have taken.

I really wanted to ring emergency or the police because perhaps all wasn’t as she stated, and maybe she had a history of wandering off …that maybe her family were involved and was very concerned and searching for her, that maybe she didn’t even feed and manage any flurries, or perhaps she did in previous times…

I really wish that she can get better care and a more stable and beneficial environment…if things are what she said. She probably might benefit from a home care worker, or residential placing … depending on the severity of health and situation…but maybe she doesn’t want anything nor to move and her family is respecting her wishes.

I feel like this encounter may have been a bad omen…and a preview of things to come with FM.

FM still isn’t eating, still having bladder problems, etc…

She had a doctor’s appointment got blood drawn there, but because of this stupid unnecessary program…her son had a nurse come today and draw blood for that program. …about an hour after she got home.

It was too much for her.
Plus the lady talked too much, answered and made 4 alleged work related calls each lasting 5-15 minutes…one call she answered FM had to have the needle dangling out her arm until finished call.

It doesn’t help FM vains are small and alot of phlebotomist have problems finding veins and drawing blood…which means poking FM with needles several times…FM doesn’t like that.

FM has been saying lately that she just doesn’t care about life anymore, and she’s ready to accept whatever happens and wants to discontinue services to have hopefully peaceful final days. I always encourage her to tell her family this and other things and not just me, but she always declines and goes back to being bullied pressured by her family.

Today after nurse left FM home, while going upstairs, FM fell and bumped head twice. I encouraged her to call her son or someone to take her to the hospital because falls can lead to concussions, seizures, etc…and things can happen and settle in very quickly sometimes without symptoms …sometimes it may take several days for it to get worse…that immediate er care and monitoring is advised by her doctors… she told me that she didn’t want to go, doesn’t believe me (as always) and she called her son out of town, who didn’t witness the fall …

Foolishly told her it doesn’t sound serious and that she should wait a few hours to see how she feels, since she told him she felt ok. Of course she listened to him rather me.

FM had to crawl to the counter to get up, since she refused her cane and walker.

If it were up to me, I would respect her wishes to not go to the ER or do anything…but because of legalities, nowhere to go, no income, and perhaps shame guilt and reprimanding from her family, I can’t.