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It’s 2:04 Am and I’m crying on my pillow

Today I tried to kill myself, I took 10,400 mg of prescription ibuprofen When I’m only 16 years old and weigh 110 pounds . The only person I ever loved was my sister Sam, she doesn’t like me as much as I love her but I was fine with that. I envy my sister she’s popular, funny , better looking , has the nicer things , lots of friends and she goes to lots of parties. Even though the age gap is one year and we both have the same interests and style, but she always won. I’m more of an introvert, it’s hard for me to talk to people most of the time. And i don’t hangout with anyone outside of school. I try to go to parties a lot but there was always a reason I couldn’t go. Until I found out my sister just didn’t want to be seen with me so she was just making up stuff so I would leave her alone. Usually how things play out in everyday life is I always draw the short end of the stick when it comes to me and my sister until I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I spoke up more and more. We kept getting into fights because I kept questioning her actions, but everytime we have an argument she always wins even if she is the one In the wrong because I always cry first. Today she was screaming at me telling me she doesn’t care about me and that I’m just a fucking bitch. I sat in my room crying as I thought about everything bad that has happened in my life with Sam the past year. We called cps on our parents, sam’s friends stole my clothes and Sam wouldn’t help me get them back Saying it was my problem. Me and Sam got money but I only got 10 when she spent 80 on drugs and alcohol but didn’t share and said it was my fault for finding out. I would show Sam parties we could go to but she would take her friends and leave me at home crying wishing I was going too. Or when she would lose my nice things but I find it in her room a week later. I soon realized I was just a stepping stole for Sam to get her way in life. I sat there cutting my self crying so much I couldn’t see. It hurts so much the only person I ever thought about not liking me. I then took the whole bottle of pills and sat on my bed looking at the wall. I soon felt dizzy nauseous when I stood and I could taste vomit in my mouth. After I puked I passed out on my bed at 5 pm hoping I would never wake up. But sadly after 5 hours I woke up, I even took the time to write a fucking letter and I don’t know what to do anymore.

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Hi @Rae,

Things will be okay. You did the right thing by reaching out. I read everything, and I am sorry your relationship with your sister is difficult for the moment. We can talk about it anytime you want, and I promise there’s nothing that couldn’t change over time in what you described. But right now the priority is to be sure you’re doing okay.

I am so glad you woke up. And we need to be sure that it didn’t cause any damage on your body and health, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong. But it’s really important to check if there was no side effect due to the dose of medicine. I know it’s been several hours now and you threw up, but as we are not doctors, I want to encourage you to call a poison center to describe how you’re feeling right now and what happened. If you live in United States, it is the following number: 1-800-222-1222. What you would say on the phone will remain absolutely confidential. You will receive advices to know what to do, depending on how you feel. If you don’t feel confortable to talk to someone directly, you can also receive online guidance from the same services through: https://triage.webpoisoncontrol.org/#/exclusions Again, it is safe and confidential. And even if you don’t feel anything in particular right now, it’s better to receive the right recommandations.

Also, I don’t know if there’s someone next to you, but I want to encourage you to not stay alone either. It may be difficult to think straight right now, but you can talk about it and reach out to someone you trust.

We are here for you. You are not alone. And we also want you to be safe. Cry as much as you need. Call the poison center or ask someone to go see a doctor. But please don’t harm yourself in any ways. Let us know how you’re doing when you can. Sending much love to you right now. :heart:

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Rae, it sounds like what you sre going through is a lot. But, I would encourage you not to let your sister’s actions upset you, if possible. At least not to the point of feeling this way. I understand the bigger things are harder to ignore. You’re different personalities can make getting along more difficult. Being in inteovert is not a bad thing. You may just have different friends or groups to hang out with, even with different personalities. And that’s okay! I know how it feels when you feel like you can’t do anything but cut or end your life. It hurts and makes sense to you in the moment. But you have so many opportunities in life to pursue. You do have people that love you, even when you feel you dont. If you are new here, there are many loving and understanding people, including myself that are always open to listening, even if that’s all the help we can provide. I encourage you to keep going in life. Feel free to message me if you need to vent more.
-Trevor

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I just wanted to say thank you, You are such a nice person and what you wrote made me so feel a lot better I even cried I felt so blessed

Hi @Rae,

Things will be okay. You did the right thing by reaching out. I read everything, and I am sorry your relationship with your sister is difficult for the moment. We can talk about it anytime you want, and I promise there’s nothing that couldn’t change over time in what you described. But right now the priority is to be sure you’re doing okay.

I am so glad you woke up. And we need to be sure that it didn’t cause any damage on your body and health, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong. But it’s really important to check if there was no side effect due to the dose of medicine. I know it’s been several hours now and you threw up, but as we are not doctors, I want to encourage you to call a poison center to describe how you’re feeling right now and what happened. If you live in United States, it is the following number: 1-800-222-1222. What you would say on the phone will remain absolutely confidential. You will receive advices to know what to do, depending on how you feel. If you don’t feel confortable to talk to someone directly, you can also receive online guidance from the same services through: https://triage.webpoisoncontrol.org/#/exclusions Again, it is safe and confidential. And even if you don’t feel anything in particular right now, it’s better to receive the right recommandations.

Also, I don’t know if there’s someone next to you, but I want to encourage you to not stay alone either. It may be difficult to think straight right now, but you can talk about it and reach out to someone you trust.

We are here for you. You are not alone. And we also want you to be safe. Cry as much as you need. Call the poison center or ask someone to go see a doctor. But please don’t harm yourself in any ways. Let us know how you’re doing when you can. Sending much love to you right now. :heart:
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╰(´︶`)╯♡

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Hey @Raen thank you for your reply. You matter. :heart:

I hope you’re doing okay right now and were able to get some rest since you posted your message.

Sending much love to you. :heart:

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I’m sorry you felt like that was your only way out, but I’m so proud of you for reaching out and simply for breathing.
There are many people here who have been through hard times and felt as messy as you feel right now, I’m one of them.

Please, keep talking to us and call the crisis line if you feel like you need someone.

We are here for you.

You are loved, accepted, worth it, wanted and needed. You are amazing and you are here, and if that’s all you can do today, that’s more than enough. Be kind to yourself. :slight_smile:

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