Staff Edit from @NateTriesAgain:
If you landed here from Google and feel worthless, you are not alone, and there is hope. You can take this self-assessment to find next steps:
—> HELP WITH WORTHLESSNESS <—
Hold fast. We believe in you.
I always think I have the best intentions or that I’m trying not to come off like a bitch but somehow I always do exactly that. My parents end up saying that “you shouldn’t have handled it that way” or “well it’s mot your place to say” ect. My best friend it currently living with my parents and I because she got evicted this summer and then ended up getting wrongfully kicked out of the homeless shelter she was living in. And ever since sometimes it feela like I end up having 3 parents instead of 2 and a best friend. She always takes there side on things against me and then I’m the one that gets shut down because I’m the only one wrong. I’m always the one wrong. My parents it feels like have started taking my best friend’s side on things which makes me out to be the enemy. My parents then tell me when I start degrading myself (usually after my best friend has already made me feel worse and like shit for fucking up) they go “yeah that’s right just go to that extreme because that’ll help everything”. And it hurts because between them and her I can’t help but feel like that. I feel between the three of them it’s constant contradictions to how they actually all feel about me. One moment they are all loving and supportive and then the next moment or day they are all ganging up against me because I once again in the wrong and my best friend calls me all kind of names, my parents get mad at me for trying to blame my best friend and I just end up hating myself more and more. And when my best friend takes my parents side on something she goes “well I’m sorry I’m not blindly supporting you in everything” which is never what I asked her for! What I want from her it to stay out of things between my parents and I. Don’t give an opinion or suggestion or try to help. I didn’t ask for any of that from her nor is it her place tk say any thing. In those moments I just want her to be quiet.
All of this then ends up effecting me at work. I get very quiet and bearly interactive. And then when I mess up I end up beating myself up more and more which makes my depression worse. And some of the people I’m close with get concerned, so I end up lying saying “oh I’m just tired” or “oh I don’t feel good”. I hate it, and work would sometimes be a (slight) escape for me from home but now that my best friend works there too ao she can start saving money to find a place now I feel like i can’t escape anything.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. My parents and my best friend constantly tell me that contrary to my self-fufilling prophecy of them and the world out to get me they actually arn’t out to gang up on or out to get me. I’m just “fufling my self hatred”. But it’s hard to feel anything but what I feel when it’s constantly happening when I don’t even intend for something to blow up and it ends up blowing up in my face and everyone hates me.
Anyway there is a lot in here so I wouldn’t be suprised if no one answers. It probably is just all my fault and I need to stop acting like a baby.