It’s been a rough year

The second Christmas without my brother. The second Christmas with only my aunt as family. The second Christmas since I made an attempt on my life and survived.

The first Christmas with a new relationship. The first Christmas being involved with a bigger family. The first Christmas in a long time that didn’t end in yelling and rage.
The first Christmas I wasn’t wishing for a normal family with normal parents.

I miss my brother still. I no longer hope that my mother would be proud of me or forgive me for anything. I do hope my brother would be though.

I have taken so much from everyone here with all your kindness and time, and I always appreciate it.


Hi friend,
thank you for sharing this.
first of all, sorry to hear that about your grief about your brother, i can only imagine how that must feel for you,
still. keep him in good memories, he deserves that.
your mother might not say it, mine does also not say things like that to me. but instead we say that:
we are proud of you, i am proud of you. this post shows a lot of your heart. that you are aware of your feelings.
look at you, a christmas that you enjoyed ? that is awesome.
your relationship, sounds to me that is working good ? that is awesome too.
spend time christmas like it should be ? could not get any better.
that you still miss someone, is normal, is human. i still miss people that i lost over the last years. also i am
thankful and grateful that i witnessed them in my life.
like one of the most beautiful quotes out there is saying:
you feel sad, and at the same time you feel happy. this is only human, this makes you feel alive.
the only way you can feel this sad, is that you have felt something really beautiful before.
~ Leopold “Butters” Stotch.
we appreciate you being here, sharing this with us. thank you for being a part here.
i hope that your journey is going on like it is right now, with joy and happiness, health, love and kindness.
you matter, and you are loved my friend. feel hugged and have a wonderful day :purple_heart:
be proud of yourself


You’ve had a really really hard life, you deserve some joy who.
I know the loss of your family has been incredibly hard, and I’m sure the hardest has been your brother. I know that if he saw where you are in life right now that he would be absolutely so incredibly proud of you.
The fact you’re learning to let go of what your mum/parents might’ve thought I know has probably been hard, but I hope you see so much more of your worth than what has been done to you.

You deserve a Christmas full of love and joy. To be away from the trauma and sadness.
Take every moment and enjoy them knowing that you deserve it.


You have given your time, support and love to so many others here too, friend. Thank you for all you do here too, and I’m glad that this year created some new memories and a new approach to the festivities :slight_smile:
You’re loved and you matter!


Hi Friend. I can relate a lot to your post. One thing really stands out to me though. I truly appreciate how you are able to find both bad and good. I think looking for joy is so important in the midst of the chaos, grief and loneliness the holidays bring. There will always be memories of bad things. Those memories will loom like a shadow over us. But finding the light and the joy in life will help us see beyond those shadows. I hope 2023 is kind to you. Thanks for posting.


I totally understand this.

I was raised by my grandmother all my life, she’s the only parental figure I’ve ever known. It’s been my sixth Christmas without her-- and every year always feels like it’s the first without her again. I’m happy you were able to see the good in this second Christmas. That’s what your brother would have wanted. We’re all so happy to see that you’ve persevered through so much already, and you’re here today, taking life at the fullest. Congratulations with your relationship, and spending time with that family as well. I know how hard it is to have to deal with stressful holidays. Mine are usually fighting and arguing as well.

Hoping your New Years goes just as great, if not better!

Take care friend <3


@Whois sweet friend

Rough is an understatement but to have watched you come here, gain confidence, become a valuable part of this community esp in SWAT and also get to watch this new relationship blossom is wonderful and you deserve it and more. I hope 2023 brings peace, love and laughter for you. Thank you for being you. :green_heart:


Thank you everyone for your replies. Getting to know you all has impacted me in a big way!
It’s been incredible having people like yourselves in my life

@Lisalovesfeathers being in your swat has been really great! That’s probably not the right words to express how great it is tbh, but it really is.


May the new year usher in peace and reconciliation for you and your loved ones. I love that you named the positives AND that you named your hopes. I think that speaks to how strong you are and how much love you have to offer.


I have read some of your previous posts and I just want to say that you inspire me. Sorry if that is uncomfortable or not okay. I want to make it through like you have.

1 Like