Oh what a busy week.
I’ve been on my feet way too much and I’ve been around way too many people.
Panic attack upon panic attack and way too little caffeine.
I’ve been through all emotions forwards and backwards, multiple times.
I’ve been wanting to mess with my sobriety and I’ve been wanting to hurt.
I was the happiest ever and I was so lonely.
I’m an arena with thousands of people I felt alone and like the only person on earth.
Not sure what I’m doing. Now sure if I want to be alone right now (not that I could change that now)
Thank you so much for sharing this with us here.
It sounds like you have a lot going on and have had a really long week. I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering from panic attacks. I have a panic disorder, so I relate to that on such a personal level. Something that I do to help with them is a coping mechanism called grounding, theres quite a few variations of it, but basically it just helps you to focus and slow your breathing and heart rate. Panic is usually caused by an unknown or unidentifiable trigger which makes it really hard to deal with, but basically it throws our mind into “fight or flight” mode, which sends signals through your body that can speed up your hearts rate and breathing, cause you to shake or cry or things like that, and for me it makes my mind really fuzzy and its hard for me to focus on anything, so the grounding really helps.
For me i do 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding and/or color grounding. They look something like this “name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste” it helps to engage all your sense and makes you focus on that. Or “name 5 blue things you see, 5 green things you see, 5 red things you see” and so on until thats what you’re focusing on. I have both of those saved in my phone’s notes so that I can pull that out when I have an attack and make sure to use them. I also find it is more helpful to say it out loud if I can.
Maybe journaling your emotions would help, thats another thing that helps me. Also pressing into something you enjoy or are passionate could help with your feelings of loneliness because it would offer a distraction. So whether thats making art like drawing or painting, or playing music, or whatever it is you find enjoyable. I would also suggest talking with a professional about what you are going through, it helps me immensely.
I hope this helps you, we are always here if you ever need to talk. Know that you are valued and loved by this community. Your presence here has so much value and our community would not be the same without you.
Yes, I do these things too to cope… I once wrote a list of things that help me and have it saved on my phone, also for someone who is trying to help me to know what actually helps me and what doesn’t…
Thank You for sharing your story. I know that we may be tempted to mess up and let ourselves go but we have to look at the bigger picture.
What do I have to lose? Who am I hurting? Who will be hurt in the long run. I don’t know you but I hope my words of encouragement help in some way.