It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Haven’t been too well, but I’m grateful for the good days.
I’ve been dating a lot— that is, going on first dates with new people—, and it was interesting at first, but after a few months, it’s been draining. I wish one would stick around (or that I was interested in them enough to do so, which is sometimes the case). The draining feeling, the frustration, and the general sense of romantic loneliness that I’ve been feeling lately can been wearing me down.
I also recently learned that I have a 50% to have a genetic blood disorder from my dad. My doctor stepsister said that it’s the best blood disorder I could have, but it’s still kind of terrifying that I could have a health problem that I didn’t earn nor can do anything about. Aches, pains, scars— I can deal with that; but a blood disorder? It’s freaked me out, friends.
I also recently started Grad School (my work is paying for it, thank the Lord), and it’s much more difficult than my previous schooling. I think these first two classes I’m taking are going to be pretty much the worst out of the entire degree; at least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe and, man, I hope so.
Also recently, I found out my mom has been seeing her abusive, drug dealing ex again. They separated about a year ago, and she’s been doing really well, even looking for jobs, which she hasn’t done in about 14 years. But this has happened ~7(?) times before, and she always goes back. I just thought this time might’ve been different. I hope my catching her (and kind of breaking down because of it) made her stop seeing him… but I kinda doubt it. I think she’d choose him over me and the rest of my family, every single time.
I don’t think I’ve ever even posted directly on the forum before— only replied. Always a time for firsts, I guess. I know these are first-world-problems in the context of a lot of stuff that gets shared here, but it’s been wearing me down, nonetheless. Love you, friends.