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It’s been a while, friends

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Haven’t been too well, but I’m grateful for the good days.

I’ve been dating a lot— that is, going on first dates with new people—, and it was interesting at first, but after a few months, it’s been draining. I wish one would stick around (or that I was interested in them enough to do so, which is sometimes the case). The draining feeling, the frustration, and the general sense of romantic loneliness that I’ve been feeling lately can been wearing me down.

I also recently learned that I have a 50% to have a genetic blood disorder from my dad. My doctor stepsister said that it’s the best blood disorder I could have, but it’s still kind of terrifying that I could have a health problem that I didn’t earn nor can do anything about. Aches, pains, scars— I can deal with that; but a blood disorder? It’s freaked me out, friends.

I also recently started Grad School (my work is paying for it, thank the Lord), and it’s much more difficult than my previous schooling. I think these first two classes I’m taking are going to be pretty much the worst out of the entire degree; at least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe and, man, I hope so.

Also recently, I found out my mom has been seeing her abusive, drug dealing ex again. They separated about a year ago, and she’s been doing really well, even looking for jobs, which she hasn’t done in about 14 years. But this has happened ~7(?) times before, and she always goes back. I just thought this time might’ve been different. I hope my catching her (and kind of breaking down because of it) made her stop seeing him… but I kinda doubt it. I think she’d choose him over me and the rest of my family, every single time.

I don’t think I’ve ever even posted directly on the forum before— only replied. Always a time for firsts, I guess. I know these are first-world-problems in the context of a lot of stuff that gets shared here, but it’s been wearing me down, nonetheless. Love you, friends.

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@MrTehRiddle

We haven’t met, but thank you for visiting the community. It means a lot to HeartSupport. I’m sorry you are going through trials. Sometimes getting things off your chest it is one of the best things to do. Keep fighting!

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I’m very glad you are taking some space to make your own topic! I don’t know exactly what you mean when you express “first-world problems” but when I use that term I usually think of my problems as insignificant compared to others’. I feel like it’d be unfair for me to speak up. I finally began allowing myself to share my own problems and receive support from others when my friend communicated a simple but powerful idea to me: drowning is drowning. Whether you’re drowning in a puddle or in the ocean, you’re still drowning. One may seem more scary on the outside, but for the experiencer, both are terrifying and extremely painful. So thank you for sharing your pain, I think when you do this you help set an example for people like yourself, including me, to open up about our pains too.

What you shared about your mom sounds really heavy man. The fact you feel she’d choose her drug-dealing ex, who was likely a detriment to you, over her own child, over you. Ahhh! :disappointed: I’m so sorry. Have you felt this way since you were young?

I think it’s rad that you’ve gotten out and started dating! I can relate to the romantic loneliness and frustration. I just started approaching dating again. I had a three year relationship and spent a year recovering and just being by myself. Getting back into dating…I don’t miss it. There’s so many people but yet so few, people ghost or say things that make you doubt yourself and you have to constantly lift yourself back up, it’s rough! I wish you enough self-love to make it through the roughness and the luck and persistence to find someone who you love amply, and who loves you just as much.

I don’t know much about your blood disorder, but it sounds terrifying to imagine having one, I can agree with you on that. Are you going to get a test to find out?

Good luck on grad school!!

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