It’s doesn’t get better

I have a couple things I haven’t said while being a member of the heart support community. Apart from me dealing with problems such as schizophrenia, depression and an eating disorder that all rip my life apart, I also deal with more.

I’m struggling a lot with college, meaning I have a lot of stress, it’s hard for me to catch up because I spent the penultimate time of around 6 months in hospital due to anorexia (in and out). I love learning, but honestly it gets so hard when things are weighing me down.

I’m also struggling when it comes to keeping myself sober, something I’ve only recently brought to the surface for people to hear, I’ve been struggling for awhile however, I numb the pain with it, if it’s not self harm or starving, it’s alcohol and weed. I distance myself, try not to tell anyone but it all comes out if that makes sense.

I’m struggling with loneliness, yes, I have friends that I love dearly, however, I always feel alone, a lot of people leave my life, and it hurts a lot, I feel as if I’ve done something wrong, I HAVE done something wrong, as the voice I call ‘Elive’ says.

Finally, I’m abused, not always physically (barely) but emotionally and mentally by my own mother. I should say that ‘she’s dealt with a lot in her life’ and I try to make people think that she’s not as bad as she seems because I feel like I HAVE to protect her, but in reality, it doesn’t work like that. She drinks a lot, and does other bad things, and thus my parents argue, and they have recently split, she holds it against my dad and I can’t see him when I want to, or be kicked out. I’m told that I’m not going to make it in life, and I actually talked about hanging myself, she said that I should do it because I’ve had so many chances to save my life but I can’t.

This has lead me to almost take my life twice, and attempt to once within this past week.

I have delt with this for 5 years, and it’s gotten progressively worse. I don’t know what to do and I’m loosing hope

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Omi,
I am so sorry your going through this . You are loved no matter what . I know you are going through a rough patch but it will get better . I , we, will love you no matter what .
Remember to hold fast and remember your worth it
-Ashley

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That’s a lot you’re dealing with, but, you know what? The fact that you’re dealing with all of this and haven’t dropped out of college shows you’re a very strong person, probably even stronger than you realize. Even entering college while dealing with all that is a proof of strength. No one has a saying on if you’ll make it or not, it all comes down to you giving up or not, and as long as you keep trying, it’s a matter of time until you make it.

Btw, if you’re studying anything physics or math related, hit me up.

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Hey friend,
That is a horrible position to be in but you are so strong and you are so brave for posting on here that takes a lot of courage.

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with all these problems no one deserves that but you aren’t alone we are all here for you.

Anorexia is so hard and I think it’s great that you went into inpatient that in itself is incredibly hard and more proof of how strong you are.

Parents are so so hard to deal with because at the end of the day they raised us for some reason no matter what they do we love them even when it’s wrong.

Is there anywhere you could stay away from your mum? A friends house perhaps? Or maybe speaking to your dad about how she is emotionally abusing you?

I know all of those may not be possible but I would try to find a way to avoid your mum as she isn’t helping your case right now.

I love you unconditionally friend I know you can make it through, I know it’s hard so I won’t tell you to be posititve or to have a good day I’ll just ask you to have a day, stay alive, we all love and support you.

You are not alone.

Hold fast,
Love Luna :heart:

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thanks for sharing Omi, i still love you :sparkling_heart:

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Hey Omi,

I’m sorry to hear about the trouble you’re having but I’m glad you came to HeartSupport to share what you’re going through. It saddens me that your mother, who is someone who should be there to love and support you, is someone who is causing so much pain. It’s not fair to you and I can only urge you to not believe her lies because they ARE lies. You have worth. Your life has worth. Please continue to fight because things can get better even if it may not seem like it at the moment. There are people who love and care about you Omi!

Love,
Raffi (Shnaff) :smiley:

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Hi Omi,

The things that you have gone through in your life are not fair. What your mother said to you is disgusting and it makes me sick to think she said that to you. You are so so deserving of life. I am so happy that you came here to open up about all the things happening. I hope we can help you feel just a slimmer of love in this hard time. I have dealt with my issues in the past and I had to leave university for a year and a half and coming back was really stressful. I love learning too and when those issues creep up on me it makes learning just an added stress. My question for you is do you think university is right for you right now? Maybe you would benefit from taking some time off to focus on your sobriety and mental health? University will always be there, but there is only one you. And you are more important. However, maybe you want to stay in school. And that’s okay too. If you decide that I would recommend seeking out on campus counseling or help centers. I know a lot of universities have them and provide a different array of tutoring, counseling, and extra help for people dealing with different mental disorders and eating disorders. Talk to your professors about acquiring assistance for your classes. Most professors want to help and see their students succeed so reaching out to them to see how they can help lessen the stressor of school might help. But that decision is on what you feel is best for your health.

The other thing I want to offer is the idea of possibly moving out of your mom’s. I just hate thinking of you in that environment. Idk what your situation is like and if that is even possible, but that home sounds extremely toxic for you.

Do not end your life. Please stay alive. We love you and we are here for you.

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My dearest @Omi

Here is our response to your topic. You are SO LOVED. Hold Fast.

-Danjo

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