I’m not sure if it’s worth it. I get up and everything seems fine but I guess exposure to social media and seeing everyone so happy kills it for me. I want to be loved, I want it so bad and I’ll never find it. It hurts so bad sometimes. I hate myself, it’s my fault. I’m not pretty, I’m not smart, I have nothing that anyone would ever want. I hate seeing people so happy and in love and I feel like a jerk for saying that. I don’t know what to feel and I don’t know how to stop that feeling. I just feel so alone right now. I feel like I have no one. No one to love me, no one to talk to, no one to tell me it will be okay. I feel pretty bad right now. I never realized how much I wanted love until I knew I could never have it. I just want it all to stop.
Hey gigichocolates,
It sucks to see everyone around you experiencing the very thing you want and yet feeling like you’ll never have it…after time and time and time again it is so easy to ask the question, “What’s wrong with me?” To feel like there’s something broken in you that’s the difference…it’s got to be because you’re the only one, right?
I have felt similarly in my own life too. I have felt like there was something so broken about me that I could never be worthy of being loved…it’s crazy because I looked at other people and saw it so easily in them – they deserve love, he deserves love, she deserves love, but when I looked at myself, I had such a hard time believing it about me. I just felt like no one could ever love me.
Even writing that I still feel emotional about it…
But we’ve got to fight to believe the truth about ourselves. It’s just not true that you’re unlovable, gigi…it’s just not true.
We have a couple of exercises you can try out to do something about this, to work from the lie to the truth. Pick one that resonates with you, and follow the exercise…I’ve done all three of them, and they really helped me work through some self-hate and shame and feelings of worthlessness…I think it could help you find some clearer headspace too.
Feeling negative towards yourself
The truth is you deserve love. The crazy part is that it’s all around you, and until you accept it for yourself, you could live your whole life being loved and never know it. You are loved. Fight to believe that truth, friend. You deserve to know it <3
-Nate
Love is a rough thing. It sucks. Everyone has someone. But I understand what you are saying. I’ve been head over heels for the same woman for 16 years. Ive been with her through all of her highs and lows and she knows how I feel about her, she just wont give me the time or day. It makes me feel terrible and like im not meant for anyone, because if Im meant to be with anyone it’s her. You got to push through and find some light in yoir tunnel. I’m not going to say that it’s easy, because it’s hard. It’s pain that no one should have to endure. But keep your head up because someone will see you as the person that completes them. You may not see it now, but all things come in due time.