Its an uncontrollable ambivalence

Hello everyone!

I am a 31 years old male, and i’ve been fighting wildly with anxiety for my whole life, like a lot of people here i suppose, since anxiety is becoming more and more common. At my younger age i had plenty of panic attacks, i used to go to the hospital every night with certainty of death. After a few months of that, a psychiatrist said it was all because of anxiety (i was 16 at the time), and told me to take some meds, which i didn’t, since i thought with myself: if it’s in my mind, then i must be able to control it.

The fact is, i could control the panic attacks, everytime one would start i could manage it, so that worked fine for me. The problem is, i couldn’t ever control anxiety, the fear of very simple things, like going to the dentists, having sex with a woman for the first time (sometimes it won’t even go up because of the nervousness), etc., these kind of things frighten me in a way i can barely describe, i stop eating in advance, i literally lose 4 or 5kg in two or three days if i plan something like that.

Now, the ambivalence is, i trained myself to think of the possible bad consequences of these things, and rationally speaking, i KNOW that there is no consequence that would affect me in a negative way, i am not afraid of being rejected, i am not afraid of pain, i fear very little things when i speak rationally just because i think of the consequences, and they aren’t frightning. And yet my body feels every single inch of pain on the antecipation, my stomach feels bad, everything, then i keep telling myself “you idiot, what could possibly happen?”, and then i answer to myself “NOTHING! NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN!”, and this still won’t solve the problem, in the back of my mind there is something eating me.

Could you PLEASE tell me another trick so i can try and fool my brain? I do everything you can think of to manage anxiety, i exercise everyday (running and gym), i pretty much cut coffee, i cut alcohol, i eat very healthy for years, so it can’t be physical you know? It has to be on my brain, my thoughts, even with these thought experiments i adventure myself.

Thank you very much for the help, maybe some of you went through the same and found a solution for this torment.

Have a nice day!


are you opposed to seeking out a professional again and/or the meds they may prescribe?

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It’s not that i am opposed, it’s just that the meds will make the substances of my brain work, but they do work already, the meds won’t take the thoughts away, which is precisely what i need, to change the paradigm of my thoughts

but do you think there is the possibility that meds would help quiet the room a bit more so that it’s easier to work on the thoughts? Also having a trained person walk you through these skills might help. I think it’s great that you’re trying all different types of method to exert some control over it. Why not expand it to include other things?

This is just a question of course, it’s your right to choose what’s best for you. But when what we’re doing isn’t working the greatest, maybe we could add some new things to the mix to see how they can help us.

I’m glad you’re here with us. You matter :slight_smile:

Thank you very much for the kind words!
My greatest fear of taking the meds is that is could, most likely, affect even more my sex life, since they usually have this effect in men. I was thinking of going again to a psychiatrist, out of desperation hehe, maybe it will end up being the last resource.

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Actually, the kind of things you described, that causes anxiety…is definitely anxiety inducing to even people not prone to panic attacks. Im sorry that you feel them so severely though.

If this helps: Going to a dentist…in truth, so many people (including full grown adult gruff men) faint in a dentists chair even before the procedure starts… Women are vocal, children move/kick around so thr chances of them fainting are less.
Its just that nobody tells it out loud (I work in a dental set up).

I think going to a therapist + meds would be great…but if youd like to try a few more stuff by yourself before finally going to a therapist…

Thinking ‘whats the worse that could possibly happen’ (as you already do…) is a good way to go about it.

  • Figuring out WHY you are anxious helps.
  • Preparing in advance (mental and physical) may help.

Eg 1: I get super anxious about going to my hometown and interacting with my mom and my in laws…
Why: Its because I know how and what they feel about me. The questions theyll ask…
Prep: I plan each day in such a way that I can minimise the time at my in laws home…I have snarky/reasonable answers for my mom, I keep alternate evenings to meet my friends…that really calms me…I have a friend whose house I can crash in when everything gets overwhelming.

Eg 2: I get super anxious about travelling. Im afraid Id miss my flight/train, Im afraid I forget to take important stuff with me.
Prep: Ive made a permanent ‘check before getting out of home’ list…last 15 mins before I get out is for ticking the list off.

Advance preparation helps a little.

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