Its been 2 years since I cut my dad out of my life

I know it was the right decision; he is an abusive narcissit. But I feel like every time this time of year my mental health gets worse because of this decesion (as well as the holidays in general, I suppose). It is really hard for me to deal with.

I’ve had more nightmares and triggering intrusive thoughts lately, and I will be resuming EMDR with my therapist tomorrow. I just… hate struggling.

This year, my brother will be visiting for Christmas. I just fear he will try to make me talk to my dad, and I am not sure what to do about that. It really worries me, because I do not want to talk to him. He will guilt trip me and make me feel like shit. He does that enough without being in my life anyways.

I sometimes wish I had hard evidence that he abused me. When I was a pre-teen and teenager it was all mental/emotional abuse and even emotional neglect. But when I was young, I just know that he molested me. But I can’t prove that. I just have strong feelings and uncomfortable memories.


Sometimes we have to cut out people out of our especially family because they can be the most destructive. I’m very sorry for what you are going through but I pray and hope you can find peace and be able to move on.

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Thank you. It gets hard this time of year. I know what I did was right for me, and my aunt at least agrees. I really appreciate it.

From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey, sakurasangel! Merry Christmas!!!

I’m sorry your dad treated you so horribly but I’m glad that you are sticking to your resolve to keep him out of your life. I hope that your brother will respect your boundaries and keep your dad out of your Christmas enjoyment. Hopefully it is a good sign that he is choosing to spend Christmas with you and not your dad. I wish you both a lovely Christmas together :hrtlegolove:


From: twixremix

hi sakura,

i’m sorry the holidays are so tough for you with your dad being cut off. as you said, you know it was the right decision but that still doesn’t stop a deep longing for a healthy relationship with a father who isn’t an abusive narcissist.

so thankful your brother is visiting for christmas though, what a gift. i hope he can respect your decision to not communicate with your dad at all. the focus should be on you and your brother having a nice christmas together and not the pain your dad has brought you. sending you all the best for your holiday week ahead, my friend. while i wish i can take the heartbreak away, what i can do is hope for the best christmas with your brother. cheering you on always.




Hi Friend, I’m so sorry you were abused and that your facing this. I would be nervous about it as well. Do you think you could text him or some how let him know that you’d like him to not bring up your dad? Setting boundaries would be a good idea before hand, so you have an understanding. you are loved! ~Mystrose



I really really really feel so much for you. I hate that your brother is attempting to make you talk to your dad. Maybe he wants things to be okay and to be happy, maybe it’s triggering for him to see family conflict, but maybe he also doesn’t know the depths of your hurt. You don’t deserve to have that reminder and to be presented with those fears and nightmares. I know what it is to be hurt by family, and I wish I could protect you the way my brother tried to protect me. Keep yourself safe, sakurasangel


From: Mamadien

Sakurasangel, I’m sorry that this time of year is difficult for you. The holidays do seem to make things tougher. It’s good that you are doing therapy and caring for yourself. Can you talk to your brother about any of this? Would he understand why you feel this way? I understand this isn’t easy for you so please put boundaries in place and try to keep them. Your mental health and peace of mind are so very important. I wish you well.


Unfortunately, i doubt he would understand. Hes tried in the past to push my older sister to talk to my dad again. I do think his empathy has increased recently, but who really knows.

Thats actually a grrat point, Twix. My parents would almost always have an arguement after or at any of his games, which i bet is super frustrating for him.

Im not comfortable even texting him in advance, so ill just think ahead about what to say in case it comes up.

hi my friend,
thank you for sharing this. very brave and strong.
to set boundries, or cut someone out from family is hard, but also necessary on our path of healing.
to the side of my father, that is almost down to zero to date. i only speak and visit the side of my mother.
im on my way home, and will spend some time the next days there. my first visit since i am in therapy and on
medication. so its partly stressing me, but also i feel a bit good about that.
i hope that the boundries you have set, will be accepted. stay strong, you already are. you shared and and walked
parts of the journey of your life with us. you are great and you deserve happiness and joy in your life.
you are loved my friend, and you matter most ! take care about you and enjoy that time of the year. :purple_heart:

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