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It's been a while since I posted here. Self-harm issues

I been suffering from depression and anxiety for a while now (about 4-5 years I think). about 5 months ago I hit my low and started self-harming on my forearm. I started taking anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants again 1 month ago. And I stopped self-harming.
Now I feel real stupid for doing that and in a such hard to hide place. And now I have these horrible scars. So far I tried my best to hide these scars using hoodies. It was really easy on the winter, but I live on the south-hemisphere so it’s getting warm again. And I don’t know if I have the courage to show my scars, mainly because no one knows yet. And I don’t know what to say if people were to saw them. Mainly my friends and family.
My question is: Should I just wear long sleeves and sweat like a pig in the summer or have the courage to show my self-harm scars?

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A lot of people don’t understand self harm and can talk trash about it. But don’t let that bother you. They don’t need to understand. You went through a tough time and made it out alive. Those scars can be a reminder that you made it out alive, not a way to be ashamed. We’re human. And we all fall down. That’s okay. Be true to yourself, do what you want and what makes you happy. Don’t live for other people and what they want. You don’t need other people who can point and ask questions and not understand. Live your own life, they can waste their lives on whatever they want. Now please, I’m not telling you that you’re on your own. Talk to your family and friends, communication is key in a relationship. Be honest, and if they don’t understand, that’s okay. You’re still not alone. I know what you’re feeling and I know it’s really hard to let these scars be visible, but the main thing is: don’t be ashamed. Be proud. Wear the scars as a reminder that you’re strong, and you survived. It’s not stupid that you self harmed. Its not. Taking your pain out is not stupid.
You keep your head up high, okay? You’re not alone. You can do this. <3

“Find something that is a healthy and happy alternative to hurting yourself as opposed to taking a razorblade to yourself, because at the end of the day, you’re only hurting the most important person in the world; and that’s you.” - Andy Biersack

When it gets too much, maybe wear a physical reminder of not being ashamed, like a piece of jewelry or draw on your arms. Post on here whenever you want. :slight_smile:

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First of all thanks for your kind words. It really means a lot.
Do you have any tips of what to say if a stranger or even a friend look at my arm and ask what they are? This is my biggest fear. And I’m not sure if I would be able to be honest.

Take it one step at a time. First, wear short sleeves and hold your head high. And if someone asks you what they are, tell the truth only if you’re comfortable enough. Or taking a risk. Just don’t overwhelm yourself. A stranger asking, if you don’t think you can manage to be honest that’s okay. You don’t owe it to those strangers the truth. You could just say something like, ‘I prefer not to say’. If you trust a friend who asks, tell them the truth. Try to tell the truth, but if it’s too much that’s okay.

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Hi.

I used to struggle with this. When I was a teen and a young adult, I cut on my arms a lot. I have slit and cut marks all up my arm from wrist to elbow. And more on my shoulders. I have several cuts on my arms that are similar to the shape of an X all over. And I used to be so ashamed of them. Embarrassed. It’s impossible to hide them.

Like you, I live in the south where it is hot. So I can’t wear long sleeves and hoodies. I just wear normal clothing. Short sleeves and all. Our scars are a part of us now. But they do not define us.

As obvious and bold as my scars are, through out my life only a few people have ever questioned them. And only ONE person has ever hurt my feelings. I’m 34 now.

I used to work with kids where they’d question the scars. They’d asked what happened. And the easiest way to get a kid off your back when they ask is to answer very simply and not make a big deal of it. Something like “Oh! You know, I was just being silly and got hurt! But I’m okay now!” You never have to explain. And if they continue to ask, you can say “You know, it was so long ago, I don’t even remember! I must be getting old!” Even if it’s not the full truth, kids are pretty easy.

As for adults and older kids. Honestly, all you have to say is that it happened in a time of your life that is behind you and you rather not talk about it. (: Again, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Very simple basic answers are plenty. “I was having a hard time then. It’s behind me. I rather focus on the now” or “If you don’t mind, I rather not talk about it.”

All good examples of how you can handle if someone brings it up.

Its been so many years I hardly even notice them now. (: I mean they are obviously there. But they are just a part of me. They don’t define me and they don’t define you. Just something we have to learn to live with.

Don’t hide. Don’t make yourself suffer in uncomfortable clothes. I know it’s hard at first. But just be yourself and try to learn to live with them and not make a big deal out of them. Honestly, people really won’t usually even say anything.

But I understand. I struggled a lot with them when I was younger. It took a while.

Much love to you

  • Kitty
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Scars are not a determination of value. We were not meant to live in shame and guilt. We all have a story and its nobodies place to judge what that looks like. Value comes from the human spirit. Your story , your life and your personality are valuable to us. You are not alone and every part of your story is important to us. Some people might not understand, but we do and you always have a place to belong here.

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I wanna say that I’m very happy that you’re improving and feeling better, it can be hard to get to that point and you should be extremely proud of yourself :heart: It’s amazing.

I wouldn’t be afraid to show your scars - it shows your progress, your journey, and that you’re healing, and that’s something to be incredibly proud of. If someone talks down to you or looks down on you for having those scars, they either don’t deserve to know you fully or may not understand what it’s like to go through something as difficult as self harm thoughts or actions. If you are up to it, I’d say talk to them and maybe help them understand better to whatever level you’re comfortable with, or ignore them because you deserve to be proud of yourself regardless of what other people say - you are strong, powerful and deserve love from others and from yourself :heart:

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First, thank you for sharing. I understand your shame and I do not think lesser about you cause of it. I personally have 2 suicide attempt scars. I’m lucky to be able to be able to hide mine. A shirt and pants and I can hide that “shame” But I know they are there. It’s a weight. I personally want to cover at least one, from my first attempt. I haven’t told anyone but my fiancee what the scar is. my family doesn’t know. Some people feel relief in hiding their scars with tattoos.
I would suggest sitting down, alone, with your scars. See what you feel about them where your heart lies. Coving them may be a mentally healthier space for you right now these scars are still fresh both literally and in your mind. See what you feel comfortable with doing. being able to admit you were at a low only helps you grow. If you feel like you have to cover them still you can use other things, bandages, arm wraps so you don’t have to sweat like crazy. Thank you for posting friend

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I never being in your situation but…A part of me understands you and can imagine if I was in your situation.

I want say that…
You’re very brave to talk about it, i’m glad to hear that things got better too. I’m so proud of you Give a hug

In my teenage years, I have seen people close to me harm themselves, I felt hopeless, unable to help them and…Now, they are doing okay.
It depends everyone’s response to it…

Despite, i’m aware that they have scars. I do not see them as bad thing. Since, everyone have their struggles when in this darkest mindset.

You may like looking back in your scars where you feel ashamed and thinking about it.
I don’t have scars that are viable on my body but…I have faced things where it still affects me to this day.

I understand that you want to hide it because, family and friends or…people do not know about it where they will be asking question or be more concern but,
if I was in your situation, I would say…Despite, these scars, it is your choice on how to response on people’s reaction.

Some will be concern, scared or questioning but…Focus on the positive.
I see scars as it tells your journey, how long you stay strong and keep fighting.
It will be difficult when people response to it…

In my journey, I choose to be honest to talk about it because, I feel much more better to talk it out than, keep it inside.
As along, you are comfortable with it…

I’m sorry that I don’t know what to say…
You are not alone feeling this, keep fighting

Take care, send lots of hugs
-LostWings

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This post hits me hard. My dad keeps making comments about how much of a mess my self harming made on my arms… Over the past few days I keep looking at them with so much regret. To the point that I actually start to have suicidal thoughts because I know they’re never going to go away… It feels silly though because, you look at them and you hate them - but then you want to cut more to make those feelings go away and it’s vicious cycle.
I remember when I said I was flying out for the HS Gala… HS is full of people that helped me to feel safe for the first time, that I know won’t judge me ever… However, I sat for weeks talking to the community about whether to wear long sleeves or short sleeves because I was so terrified of having them out for people to see… Even though I was going to be in probably the safest place I’ve ever been in. I ended up going in short sleeves and not a single person judged me.
Speaking from experience, I have had more people confront me about wearing long sleeves in hot weather than I have when I keep them uncovered. Yes, you might get some people come up and ask you about your scars, but you don’t have to go into detail. Just say you hurt yourself - people tend not to go any further. However, most people now don’t really mind the scars - they either don’t care about them because it doesn’t define you, or they are just too scared to ask about them.
I would say it might be an idea to try going to a public place, that isn’t overly busy, but still a good number of people and see how you feel. Do it with someone safe if you have someone. If you get uncomfortable, you can leave. You’re going to be okay. <3

Hold Fast
Kayla

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I guess it depends on your comfort level. If you’re ready to talk about it when people ask, I think that’s a good opportunity to connect with those that are willing to listen.

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Hey! Here’s a live video response from our live Twitch stream!
https://heartsupport-merch.myshopify.com/cart/11954043519012:1?discount=FREESHIP < this is a link to a frer self harm resource!

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Hey Fannakz,

First I want to say welcome to Heart Support. I am so glad that you are here, and that you had the courage to open up about what you are going through. I want you to know that you are loved, that your life matters, and that your story matters. Your past doesn’t define you, and neither do your scars. We love you, and we want you here! We will be here to walk along side you and help in anyway possible! Please don’t ever give up my friend!

As far as being ashamed of your scars, I want you to know that your scars don’t define you, you are not your scars. You are you, and you are loved, and you are more than your scars! I want you to remember these words. Your scars don’t define you, you are you, you are beautiful, and you are loved. Something I struggle with daily, is looking at my scars and feeling worthless. But I see past your scars, as will this community.

Congrats on being one month clean from self harm! That is such an accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself for that! As far as being ashamed of your scars, don’t (and believe me I get that this isn’t easy). As far as being unsure of going out and showing them, don’t be ashamed. Maybe it can spark a conversation, a good one, it can provide healing and support.

Just know that we love you, we are here for you, and we believe in you! You are so loved, and you really matter so so much! I want to be here for you in anyway possible, and continue to walk alongside you through your journey, keep reaching out and don’t ever give up!

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It!

Love Always,
Monkey

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Be yourself. Even if there are times you aren’t necessarily proud of, it’s who you are. And because they are scars, it means they are in the past. To me, it’s a sign of courage and bravery. You should totally do what you feel comfortable doing, but you should be proud of who you are and what you’ve been through. Showing that is never something to be ashamed of.

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You have a scar on your arm. It’s beginning to affect you in meaningful ways. You don’t like that you put it there. That is good. From now on you will have a scar out in the open and you will see it too, and every time you see it you will feel regret and think “never again” and you will see it a lot and that is why it’s good. This might be the last self harm you ever do.

Shame. What are you (and everyone else who self-harms) ashamed of? The self harm? Or that you harming yourself means that you are weak and that the scar is giant sign pointing to you and telling others how weak you are? You know what to do next? Don’t hide it. If your friends ask, tell them the short, fast, simple truth. You don’t need to go into detail. Tell the people who matter. The people who don’t know you probably won’t notice or care. If they ask, give a short simple honest answer. WHY? Because if you do this, you take away the hold shame has on you and then you throw that shame away. It can’t touch you if you aren’t afraid of it’s threats. And then you can move on from this clean, and that feels wonderful. It won’t come back to haunt you unless your mental illness regains some control , and then you will know what to do.

You can also hide under long sleeves. You might have to when you get a job. Hiding seems a whole lot easier but it hurts more, in the end. Hiding makes it your dirty little secret that you don’t want anyone to know. That turns into more shame because how could anyone understand you with your secret? (See above paragraph. It works even if you wait, but it becomes more emotionally difficult to do.)

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